#and showing more and more that it is a losing battle and you cannot save everybody. god

[aromanticasterisms]

remember when we joked about natlan being the pokemon nation. remember when it was all fun and lighthearted. cause like. man.

[nightmarist]

Some Zevlor Things —

EDIT 12/2/23: Added a few more things

A fellow Tiefling Hellrider, Tilses, is with him in the caves acting as his bodyguard. He sometimes calls her Tilly.

There is one bedroll in the caves shoved off in the far corner with a book titled "The Devil You Know: An Autobiography" - not sure if it's his personal writing or if he's reading it, either way it adds to the flavor of his of his tiefling pride (and/or anguish).

It reads:

Have you ever had a god change your blood? It is a horrifying thing, even for those who may desire it. Yet few tieflings wished for Asmodeus to claim their bodies, only be given no choice in the matter. It is not as if we were well-loved before the archdevil's gambit. Our people have always struggled against the notion of 'devilkin', as if a single drop of infernal ichor inescapably corrupts. How amusing, when so many others willingly sell their souls to fiends, yet their culture as a whole escapes the blame. By what method can we redeem ourselves, when the crime is not ours? I would drive a blade into every warlock that aided Asmodeus' damned ritual, but personal vengeance cannot undo the will of a god, much less one as slippery as the Lord of Lies. When every passerby thinks you a thief and heretic, it is deeply tempting to become one. (cut off) The only thing that has stopped me is knowing Asmodeus wants nothing more than for all of us to fall from grace.

Around the his table are Invasion Plans for Elturgard, Traveler's Guide to Baldur's Gate, Traveler's Guide to the Sword Coast Vol IV: The Risen Road (which aligns when he tells you earlier there are gnolls on the road), and "Front and Center: a Thespian's Memoir" that reads:

"... in fact, the greatest joy of my life hasn't been acting, but becoming. When you choose a character to play, you don't just wear a mask - you take a little bit of their soul for your own. Whoever you are in your heart of hearts, if only by the faintest note."

Zevlor aside I think this is a sweet quote for the player and player character relationship <3

Dialogue in the Caves:

Zevlor: I Hardly need a bodyguard, Tilses. This isn't Avernus. Tilses: No sir. At least the monsters there looked like monsters.

—

Tilses: Commander— Zevlor: Just Zevlor, Tilly. We're civilians now, remember? Tilses: With respect, sir — being a Hellrider is for life. They can't take — Zevlor: They can, and did. Avernus changed things — best we get used to that. Tilses: ... Yes, Zevlor

—

Tilses: The Watch or the Flaming Fist? Zevlor: Pardon? Tilses: When we get to Baldur's Gate. Where are we enlisting? Zevlor: I'm done soldiering, Tilly. I'd like a clean start. But go with the Watch. You're too honest to be a mercenary.

—

Zevlor: No word from the scouts, yet? Tilses: No sir. But if there's a clear path past the goblins, they'll find it. Zevlor: Yes, of course.

ITEMS —

in the Chest there is a bronze goblet, 46 gold, and a battle-worn blade. On his person he has his gloves (Hellrider's Pride), an apple, a camp supply pack, and the key to his chest.

The blade says:

A fine by well-used sword. It seemed to have once belonged to a holy order, but the indication of rank and patron deity at the hilt have recently been filed down.

The gloves' flavor text says:

A waft of sulphur emanates from this proudly-kept piece.

Celebration at the Camp:

"I should be out there, talking with them. In... Just a moment, maybe." "Is this everyone? Our numbers have grown so few..." "No more. I can't afford to lose any more of them." "No. Let them have fun. I'll be ruining it come morning anyway."

Mindfayer Colony:

Things he mumbles in the Pod:

The pod will show you his memories of Elturel:

After saving Zevlor, I forced myself to pick the "mean" options just to see how it goes.

If you tell him its his fault tieflings were imprisoned in moonrise, he says:

If you tell him "Do yo have a right to ask?" when he asks about the tieflings:

He doesn't argue with any of your remarks except one, when he says "For a moment I welcomed it" and you tell him "For a moment until you realized your reward would be a tadpole" he corrects you:

If you tell him if he wanted power he should live up to his own ideal:

If you tell him to get out of your sight:

When you tell him it's not his fault he was enthralled:

If you tell him "Fine. Good luck, Zevlor."

If you say you could use another blade in the fight to come:

At the Netherbrain:

(smiling <3)

"The journey has been brutal, but I stand here a Hellrider once more, and I would die a proud man if I died this day."

I know it's a Soldier thing to be proud to die for a cause but it still makes me worry for him given his background so far <:]

If you click on him, he has two unvoiced lines:

if you pickpocket him at this point, he'll have the same items on him as before (in this save he has a carrot instead of an apple for me).

His stats at this time: (Steeped in Bliss is from one of my items)

Post Game (Patch 5)

I don't know if there are other permutations of this letter, yet, but this is what I received:

I hope my penmanship has improved somewhat in the past months. When I first stumbled into this city, I shook so badly that I could scarcely hold the soup the priests pressed into my hands - let alone write and thank you as you deserve. It is only when the city itself began to shake that I felt my hands grow still. Along with the other veterans sheltering at the temple - discards of Elturel's 'unworthy' legions - I watched that monstrosity rise over the city. We felt no fear. Only anger. Disgust. Purpose - and with it, power. I do not know what oath we cling to now, or how long it will last - but we shall use it to ensure that this city will not suffer as Elturel did. Whether it wants us or not. It is more than thanks alone I owe. No words can make amends for what I did to my people, but that is as it should be. More come to the temple every day to aid in the relief efforts, and if I am permitted to work alongside them, then I am content. Come and see us, when you can. Zevlor

It's interesting — if not bitterswet, tragic, and inspiring — to hear that Zevlor and other Paladins regained their Oaths via pure, stubborn devotion to saving people when it began to look as bad as Elturel.

[hotwaterandmilk]

I've been scanning the Yami no Purple Eye art book and it got me thinking about why I still feel so strongly about Shinohara Chie's horror-tinged works in particular. They don't have the sweeping settings, period detail or political intrigue of her historical titles, but they're still the works of hers I revisit most often.

I love the way Shinohara captures the physical and psychological horror of being a teenage girl. How truly overwhelming it can be to come into a new physical state and be hit by heightened strengths and fears. All while grappling with how to reconcile this new, hungry state with the "good girl" you were before the change. It's the way she combines this age-old puberty parable with an escalated 80s bent on 40s Hollywood female monstrosity that never fails to linger in my mind.

Let me unpack my rambling thoughts on this a bit and yeah they are pretty rambly I'm sorry I've got that neurological thing going on and it makes being articulate harder than it has ever been before. Forgive me!

Spoilers, bloody images and rambling re: Yami no Purple Eye, Ao no Fuuin, Umi no Yami Tsuki no Kage and Mizu ni Sumu Hana below.

The heroines of Shinohara's longer horror works are all seemingly average girls who are awakened to something horrific within them as teenagers (be it Rinko as panther, Ruka to psychic abilities, or Souko as an oni). Suddenly they're overcome not just by abilities but feelings, appetites, desires. They go from being good, average girls to young women battling forces within them stronger than anything known to science. There's always a boy there to support them through this, but they feel otherwise isolated or dangerous, unable to seek support from anyone else.

Yami no Purple Eye is frequently compared to the 1942 film Cat People and understandably so - in both you have a beautiful young woman descendended from "cat people" whose beastial side can take over when base urges overcome their normally sweet demeanor (though this film is absolutely not the first example of a 'cat person' in speculative fiction). The major difference, I would posit (aside from the more explicitly sexual nature of Cat People's change), is that Irena is an adult and while she also struggles with her identity and powers this battle is not new to her, she is hopeful for a way out but also somewhat resigned to the way things are.

Rinko from Yami no Purple Eye is new to being a panther, she is fearful of her secret getting out but also fearful of herself, of her purple eyes and her "unnatural" urges. While so much of Cat People is a relatively subtle look at female sexuality as a monstrosity in itself, Yami no Purple Eye shows a transformation that at puberty can be harnessed as a form of protection but also remains linked to the animal kingdom and not "enlightened" modern human society.

While Rinko's incredible strength saves her from all sorts of precarious situations, it feels new and out of her control. It isolates her from normal humans and it paints a target on her her back for Kaoruko, the primary antagonist of the series. I think what makes these pubescent power awakenings so alarming for all Shinohara's horror heroines is this lack of control. They didn't willingly trigger their transformation, they don't understand it properly, and they cannot control it. Ultimately each of them goes through a period of feeling incredible isolation from human society, which is common in a lot of speculative texts where the lead finds themselves estranged from society at large.

In Umi no Yami, Tsuki no Kage Ruka has the double-whammy of losing her normal life and her twin sister, Rumi, who has become deranged while coming into her own psychic powers. Although Ruka has the support of love-interest Katsuyuki, it is this love rivalry which put a wedge between her and her sister in the first place. At times, Ruka feels lost with all the destruction triggered by the sisters' transformation, held by Katsuyuki but with a 1000 yard stare in her eyes. Both Ruka and Rumi know deep down that only they can defeat one another, but how do you defeat your identical twin? How do you fight what is essentially your shadow self and your base instincts run riot?

It requires an understanding of the transformation, an acceptance of the change that has taken place, and a peace with what must come next - all of which takes Ruka the better part of 18 volumes to achieve. Mizu ni Sumu Hana takes a shorter route on a similar theme with the two Rikkas and the seeds, giving us another set of two near identical yet drastically different girls fighting for survival.

And being a teenage girl in these stories is very much focused on trying to survive. Another consistency across all these series that underscores the isolation of the heroines is the loss of those around them. Family members and friends are murdered or manipulated indiscriminately. Even if Shinohara's heroines try to seek support from someone other than their love interest, it is very quickly put to a stop by an opposing force. For a young woman in these worlds, struggling to understand her new body and changed mind, there is no option for support outside a male romantic interest.

That in itself is horrifying (though admittedly not as well-examined within text as I'd like, it certainly does feel like a comment) but it becomes a hell of a lot worse if your love interest's goals are at odds with your own. We see this with Souko in Ao no Fuuin who is revealed to be an oni that must survive by consuming humans. Her (false) memories are human and she has only recently learned of her oni nature so understandably she doesn't want to be a predator, yet she must eat people to survive. Akira, her love interest, rather than being a dutiful normal boy like Shin'ya in Yami no Purple Eye, is from an opposing family tasked with destroying her.

Eventually Akira's affection for Souko outweighs his duty to eliminate her and the two work together to try and figure out a way for her to become human and thus no longer require defeating. But initially in Ao no Fuuin, Souko is entirely alone with her growing hunger and power, unable to confide in anyone and unsupported by a romantic interest which proves just as isolating as it sounds. Like Rinko, Souko has gaps in her memory, a sensation that she's done something unnatural but a desperate need to be wrong about it, to be proven human despite all evidence to the contrary. As both heroines have entered their teenage years they have lost all they knew of stability, family and normalcy to have it be replaced by the uncanny, unnatural and unacceptable.

To have the body and mind become unreliable in your teenage years, to feel overwhelmed by forces you didn't know were within you, to feel like you're the only one experiencing such horrors... I mean it's all a big puberty metaphor isn't it? And yeah, to a degree these stories are simply turning the horror dial up to eleven on a cross-cultural feeling of coming into the power and bodily changes of adulthood before your mind can catch up with them (though in the case of Shinohara's stories every lead is shown to be attracted to the opposite sex and not explored as being anything other than cis, so there's definitely a lot left unexplored regarding pubscent queerness in her worlds).

All of Shinohara's long-form horror heroines seem to go through a period of grasping back for the safety and "normalness" of their childhood selves, of who they were before their body and mind betrayed them. Souko repeats to herself countless times that she is human not necessarily because she knows it to be true, but because she wants it to be true. She longs for who she believes she once was and we see similar grief for Rinko and Ruka, now awakened to their new lives as teenage monsters, as they reflect back on the comforting dullness of the recent past with a newfound appreciation and longing.

Ultimately, however, Souko was never a normal teenage girl. Rinko's power was dormant but she was always of panther blood. Rikka was always going to be used as a pawn between black and white dragons. Only Ruka, whose power was awakened after surviving a near-fatal bacterial infection, ever had an entirely normal human childhood and even then she must accept that what she and her sister had in their innocence can never be rediscovered. For some of these heroines there was never a "normal" to go back to and even for those that did have a glimpse at average life, it is ultimately gone from their grasp regardless. Time marches ever onward and for these young women there is no ability to wind back the clock, they must continue forward like all of us, even if their awakening to adulthood is more violent and bloody than most.

While everything I've touched on so far seems absolutely godawful, I think it's important to tie this all together with a bow of hope. Shinohara Chie's long-form horror and suspense stories put all their leads through the wringer, but they are never without hope. There is some degree of happiness out there for all her heroines, victims of circumstance and blood. However, it is not the happiness they had anticipated for themselves as adults and I think that is key to the whole exercise. Shinohara's heroines can at times be passive, clinging desperately to the idea that they can reverse what cannot be reversed. But in the end they must accept and embrace their new bodily powers. Just as we all must accept adulthood even when it doesn't adhere to our childhood hopes and dreams.

Rinko goes through absolute hell to try to get her happy ending and ultimately she doesn't get it, but her daughter Mai does manage to carve out a sense of happiness just by being with the man she loves. Souko can shed her obligation to the Kimon and be with Akira because her previous incarnation's daughter willingly takes on the role of heir for her. Ruka can live on but to do so must kill a willing Rumi and accept that what happened to them will ultimately be forgotten by the greater consciousness. Both Rikkas are revived and can choose their ultimate lifespan as the lost lotus flowers blossom once more.

None of these are your traditional happy ending, but what links them together is a sense of sacrifice. Part of the journey into adulthood, into surviving the horror of having a body as a teenage girl, is accepting the flawed state of adulthood. It comes at considerable sacrifice and it isn't necessarily what you dreamed it would be, but it is yours and you got where you are as an adult through the blood, sweat and tears of your younger self. There's a beauty to that and to Shinohara's flawed heroines and their often patchy narratives. Having a body can be horrific, it can be overwhelming, and it is inherently isolating... but it is essential to experiencing the beauty we do have in this world.

And idk I just think that's neat.

Shinohara isn't an artist to everyone's tastes and I do think there are strengths to her historical tales that perhaps aren't as present in her more horrific works, but her super powered horror stories manage to capture a type of pubescent alarm that a lot of other authors cannot master. While all these works do feel dated to a degree and present a limited scope of gender and sexuality, there's something I find timeless about revisiting the horror and joy of being a girl both cursed and blessed with the burden of a body.

-

Edit 14/10/24: I would like to point out that my use of the term "horror" here relates to consistent thematic elements presented in these series rather than their specific genre labels, roots in other sub-genres or relation to other foundational texts outside of Shinohara's oeuvre.

Shinohara's speculative work is frequently labeled battle/suspense manga (with some shorter works earning a 'suspense horror' description at their most intense) and I am in no way disagreeing with these labels or trying to relabel the above titles as strictly horror. Nor does this post seek to break down the full context of these titles as they fit into the development of 80s/90s/00s shoujo.

This post exclusively reflects my personal thoughts on the bodily perils faced by Shinohara's super-powered heroines in the aforementioned texts through a horror lens (which in turn reflects my area of focus back when I studied film).

Everyone will have their own intrepretations of these texts and these characters and that's what makes hearing people's opinions so interesting - always open to hearing yours if you stumble onto this. ^^

[mschievousx]

now and then | b.b.

pairing: benedict bridgerton x ofc

summary: loraine silva always knew she was not normal. she loves unusual things. she loves her father's guns, horses, boxing, climbing a tree, falling from a tree, engineering, astronomy... oh, and a man eleven years older.

series masterlist

xi. eleven: every word you say

the sunlight did not reach her face. there was no sunlight in sight at all, aside from the most external door that shows a little hint of the visible spectrum. she stirred awake on the hard floor she slept, if she had any at all. she slowly sat up, finding the colonel on the adjacent cell, staring into nothingness.

they have yet to acknowledge each other's presence, trapped in their own battles inside. it was a surreal thing—to feel that it was both the end and the beginning. they have long let go of any hopes in receiving a lighter sentence, and that act is what made it possible for them to breathe despite the stifling feeling.

they have found freedom. losing all hope was freedom.

hence, the young silva raised her gaze to the ragged man across. his rank is not apparent on his current state, stripped off of dignity and proper legacy. she pulled him to the deepest ocean floor a man has never explored to.

"i am so sorry, raphael." raine broke the silence, feeling utterly apologetic for bringing the man with her in this fate.

"there is no need." he replied, closing his eyes as he leaned on the wall.

there really was no need. although his tone may have sounded frustrated, it was not directed to the girl. coming to think of it, he believes he would have done the same. he actually did, when he admitted to the suspicions just so she could be saved. the young silva, however, was hardheaded. a small chuckle left his lips as he looked at her in thought.

"you know, your father would be proud."

"oh, silence." raine rolled her eyes in jest, "i have not slept well with how much my eyes poured last night. do not make me cry again."

"but it is true."

"i know," she turned to him with weak eyes, "he asked me one time, if he was being too forceful in making me the viscountess or also the fact that he taught me things that a proper lady would not have preferred."

she laughed at the memory of her father teaching her how to hold a dagger at four, and her mother in utter worry as she caught them both.

"he was afraid he turned me into something he wanted instead of being someone I want to be."

the lady chuckled before continuing, "i told him I do not see myself embroidering at all. he laughed like crazy."

raphael weakly laughed at the story. by the mention of the girl's teaching experiences, a memory resurfaced in his mind as well.

"did you know that your father used to say you shoot like—i apologise for the term we use in the military amongst men—a virgin?"

despite being above average compared to the general public, her shooting really did not pass her father's standards. she could shoot, yes, but it would not have been enough for war. armand concluded that it was enough at the very least for self-defense.

raphael lifted one end of his lips, "i bet he would say otherwise now."

"that is because now i am not." she said with indifference, missing the way the man sat up from his leaning, turning to her fully.

"...wait, what—you mean...?" he asked curiously, his will returning to his voice in spite of their current situation.

raine looked at him and she found it interesting how curious he was at the topic. she let out a short giggle before slowly nodding. his mouth noticeably went ajar at that as he pried more.

"the bridgerton son?" she nodded once again, raphael leaning back down in surprise, shaking his head in disbelief, "your father is going to kill you."

"no need. the crown is doing it for him."

both laughed in chorus—how they could still jest in a situation like this is lost. perhaps, it was there saving grace. little joys do really count.

"i cannot fathom what you could possibly find so amusing in a place like this."

the queen's voice announced her arrival, her face grimacing in disgust at the place. the two greeted her with respect, standing from their position. she looked around, as if assessing their surroundings before settling her eyes to the girl.

her majesty sighed resignedly, "why ever did you have to shoot him?"

"he talked too much."

"that he did." she had no problem agreeing with that statement at all. the lord had been bothering her as well before about royal familial matters.

she clasped her hands, forming the words to say, "i have spoken to have a private execution for you both. it was granted. this is the least i could do, considering everyone has voted for a beheading instead of hanging."

raine nodded thankfully at that. she did not care much. either way, they would be dead. she inquired further, "the soldiers?"

"all free from the charges."

the two released a breath of relief. that was one of their main goals—for the rest of the troop to be able to go home and spend the following years with their families.

"thank you, aunt lottie. that is all i ask." she smiled warmly to the older woman.

"it will be in an hour." the queen noted, pertaining to the execution.

it must already be five in the afternoon already. the young silva did not know how time flew by so fast. she neared the girl, pushing a hand through the bars of her cell. raine held her hand as she continued.

"make death proud to take us."

raphael and raine's ears perked at that, their brows crossing as the queen took back her hand slowly, "how do you know of it?"

charlotte offered them a smile before she turned away, "your father had been a good company."

after the queen, major gilbert and the viscount bridgerton also stopped to visit them. the former relayed the gratefulness of the soldiers by the news of their freedom, while the latter updated her on how the queen is working on for a proper investigation against the said involved people in the treason with the help of the papers that was left to him. they did not take long, of course. the prison had that effect. it was very suffocating.

yet, her breath came back at the sight of the man in front of her.

"what are you doing here?" she said in concern, her lips quivering as she scrambled on her feet.

benedict reached to her, cupping her face with a tearful smile, "i told you. i will always be here."

she shut her eyes in shame of her current state, "you should not see me like this."

he chuckled with tears in his eyes, "like painfully beautiful?"

"like dying." she corrected in all honesty as he went silent, his heavy breathing speaking for himself.

his lips formed a thin line, features traced with painstaking gaze, "you are so unfair."

"i know," she admitted, knowing exactly what he meant, "i am so sorry."

he hushed her, his palms still on her cheeks as he soothed—both tracing the tear marks that intensified their emotions.

"forget about me. let go of this grief completely." she bleakly uttered, torment clear on her voice.

benedict immediately responded a multiple series of 'no' with an intense shaking of his head in disagreement. he would do anything to not forget her, both the joy and painful memories. he would cherish everything that she was present in. he would cling onto every word she utters.

"and in case you do forget about me," she continued, cupping his face with the utmost care, "i hope you remember by my touch alone.

he nodded fervently, "i love you."

he leaned his head to hers, their breaths exchanging as if he was used to the taste of pain on a dead friday night.

"i love you too."

they wanted to be together for as long as they could, and if that's not very long, well, then that's just how it is. and so, they held each other for the last time, coming to terms that if this life will be this cruel, he would spend the rest of his life praying that the next will not be.

he wanted to badly stay with her, to stop the time and prolong this moment. but, it seemed like he had angered the gods as a guard knocked his truncheon on the door, calling for him to exit for the fifteen-minute preparation before the execution.

━━━ ✦ ❘ ☽ 【❖】 ☾ ❘ ✦ ━━━

no later, guards entered the cells, taking both prisoners with no austerity in their touch. it was so strange for them to the point that it was hard to swallow. they have seized and lead criminals of darkest crimes to their end, yet they find themselves wanting to break the two out.

a viscountess and a colonel, both still children in their own way.

they have never thought there comes a day they would dread their work, and the executioner would say the same. because just as they all arrived in the execution stage, the forty-five soldiers, four members of the bridgerton family, and the queen are in attendance. as she caught sight of them, raine offered a brief, forlorn smile. these people are the ones who she is most thankful of.

executions happen at a faster pace than the young silva thought. one moment they were walking, the next they were kneeling. the executioner bowed to the both of them when they arrived, now asking for forgiveness on the duty he must do in a while. loraine granted him that.

he stood back up, announcing clearly, "you have been granted to speak your final words."

she turned to take a look at raphael, the latter nodding as a sign for her to speak for them both. raine casted her head down in thinking of the words she must say for the last time. she looked back at them all, to no one in particular, and dared to raise her eyes to her terrible fate as she began.

"when a crime goes unpunished, the world is unbalanced. when the wrong is unavenged, the heavens look down on us in shame. we too must die for this circle of vengeance to be closed. we will leave this record of our courage so the world will know who we were and what we did."

as she ended, they both tied the cloth firmly to cover their eyes. at the absence of sight, fear started to creep in. she could hear the executioner stepping away from her and to the colonel first. he declared with resolve, a means of comforting the two souls.

"death is proud to take you."

raine exhaled peacefully at that. it was a reply to their previous convictions—a way of reassuring they have done well.

and so, she did not panic, even when the sound of a drop on the floor filled the place.

raphael had been a great friend, soldier, and a person. the silva would not mind having to fight beside him once again.

the room stayed silent, with no other noise but the small whimpers of the audience. however, it was immediately overshadowed by the sound of footsteps, nearing her one step at a time. she guessed this must be it.

loraine's mind became blank. she hurried herself to think of memories—those that she would love to relive. she had a strange belief that it would not be as painful if she was feeling happy. but, it was also strangely hard to be one in the moment. all she could think of was that maybe, dying is the best option for her in this life. there was no home for her anymore.

and when she greets death, she hoped it is gentle. she hoped it is like going home. she believed a great happiness awaited her somewhere.

and for this reason, she remained calm as the axe hit her neck.

the audience found themselves letting go of the prolonged silence, breaking out to their cries. however, one person did not have any tear or voice left in himself anymore as he stared at the trail of blood that was starting to accumulate and flow away from the body.

indeed, a lot can happen in a day.

he was annoyed by her in one, taken by her in one, and loved her in one. he is grieving for her in one, and he will long for her in one.

and so, he was left with nothing but to face reality—realising that a very frightening thought is now shadowing him intimately.

when tomorrow depends to a person, what should one do? when that person is lost, does that mean tomorrow is too?

love was there. it may have not changed anything. it may have not saved anyone. but, it still matters that the love was there.

because, raine did not need to be saved. she needed to be found and appreciated for who exactly she was. her father has taught her that this world was only a preparation for the next, that all they can ask is to leave it having loved and being loved.

and benedict, until the very last moment, made that known to her and everyone else. she was found. she was appreciated. she was loved.

all by him.

taglist: @aadu2173 @imgondeletedis @pumkiinpasties @rebleforkicks @perseny @everavenclaw @datingbtr @peetahpahkah @myo11 @idek-what-to-put @aysamuka

[finalvortex]

Completely overanalysing Shadow Generations: Dark Beginnings Episode 1

The opening is a deliberate parallel to the scene leading into Maria's death (images taken here from Shadow '05, although this scene is also in SA2). If you're paying attention you can immediately tell it's a fakeout, though: there's no alarm blaring, the lighting is blue rather than red, and Maria is pulling Shadow along instead of the other way around.

It's the aurora borealis. You can only see them from certain latitudes down there, but up here, we can see the whole...

Maria's a nerd.

Shadow is immediately prepared to catch Maria when she collapses.

The low gravity here only keeps your condition in remission. You should know better than to exert yourself.

This is new information I think? I don't think this makes scientific sense but I guess it provides a justification for why Maria is up here aboard the ARK beyond 'that's where the research is being done'. Only, the ARK was a space colony, there were other civilians aboard it as well, like the future GUN commander.

I can't wait for the day when we can finally return. I was created here. I don't know if there's a place for me on Earth.

I just wanted to highlight this exchange as significant to Shadow's overall character arc across his history, being one where he has carved out a place for himself on earth.

Love the way Maria comforts shadow here.

You and grandfather are doing your best. I'm just as happy to spend time with you here, while you both research-

I think this is just awkward wording, but surely Shadow isn't doing any researching?

My boyyyy

Hull breach in the experimental weapons wing! Multiple subjects are free of containment!

Multiple subjects? Given the events of Lost Impact, things are just escaping from here all the time, huh.

Here's the entries on this incident from Gerald's journal in Sonic Battle:

The higher ups are threatening to shut down this research facility. I had no choice but to hand them the Gizoid to buy more time for my research. I tried to be careful and commanded it to never absorb any dangerous technologies. However, I have heard that other researchers have been making the Gizoid absorb weapons. Apparently, the way to cause the Gizoid to form a new "Link" is to show it power that surpasses that of its former master. While this poses immense danger, I cannot risk losing Maria.

My worst fears have come true. The Gizoid has absorbed enough weaponry and technology that it has started to go out of control. The resulting rampage resulted in the destruction of most of the "Ark." ... I have deciphered the rest of the stone tablet. It says, "When the Gizoid had learned all that it could, it became a god of wrath, and all was destroyed." The researchers somehow managed to subdue the Gizoid and sealed it away.

That robot was heading towards Grandfather's lab! Shadow, you have to save him!

Why was Emerl - uh, well, I guess Project Gizoid at this point - headed directly for Gerald? If he was overloaded with power, like at the end of Sonic Battle, he should just be destroying things indiscriminately, right? So... was this a deliberate ploy by GUN to get rid of Gerald?

Maria grabbing Shadow's hand breaks the illusion briefly and triggers a trauma-induced flashback (forward?) to the GUN soldier shooting her. Compare with the actual scene from Shadow '05:

Again, why is Emerl specifically targeting Gerald here?

Not much to say about the fight scene aside from the fact that it's really well animated, and it happens with no background music to emphasize the weight of the blows being thrown. It's also really cool how Emerl copies Shadow's spin attack - you don't need to know how the Gizoid functions for that to be a cool visual, but it's a nice nod if you do.

Ok this is really confusing me. Is there any mention of GUN having a space fleet anywhere? Where did these things come from? They don't even share the same aesthetic as other GUN vehicles, they look more like the Egg Fleet.

Nice look at Shadow's Air Shoes from below the glass floor.

Next Shadow lands into Gerald's cell on Prison Island, which raises the question: why is this in Shadow's memories? Is this just his memory of the recording from SA2? Or was Shadow not put on ice until after Gerald's execution? We know it wasn't immediately after the ARK was destroyed, since he was around long enough for Gerald to alter his memories.

There is a bit of static distortion here, with an analog effect that implies it might just be the video.

On the other hand, we actually get these very brief flashes of Gerald's execution here, which we don't see in SA2 itself.

The professor gets farther and farther away from Shadow. He can no longer reach him.

Shadow then falls into a red sky, with bits of debris floating all around him, reflecting the final battle against Devil Doom in Shadow '05.

Interestingly, this scene is mixing imagery from both Gerald and Maria's deaths. The image of the GUN soldiers is the firing line that killed Gerald, and the sound of the lightning turns into automatic gunfire, as opposed to the single pistol shot that killed Maria.

Finally, Shadow falls into the giant face and outstretched hands of Black Doom.

Waking up from his nightmare in a panic, Shadow uses that damn fourth chaos emerald* to Chaos Spear this unfortunate tree.

*Okay, the fourth chaos emerald was the white one.

The moon looks so good.

Shadow stands in a field surrounded by lilies, a flower which can be used to symbolise purity as well as death, and is a flower commonly used at funerals. In particular, they are often placed on the graves of children.

That was no mere nightmare. And it all began in view of the ARK. Could he have survived? No, that can't be. I need answers.

Shadow seems to think the sight of the ARK is what triggered this nightmare. I think the only 'he' that makes sense here is Black Doom, since Gerald and Emerl are both pretty definitively dead.

Based on the trailer, I think from here Shadow is going to collect Team Dark to raid an Eggman base so they can obtain a rocket to get up to the ARK.

The song that plays over the credits is a remix of Throw it All Away. I have no idea why it shows footage of the biolizard fight, beyond "this is the Sonic Adventure 2 focused episode".

[freddie-77-ao3]

Riordanverse Characters As EPIC Lyrics

"I no longer dream, only nightmares of those who've died" is Clarisse after manhattan

"Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart" is Silena in general

"No matter the place, we can light up the world" is Lee and Luke, when they're dreaming of college right before Luke betrays them

"Time... I've unlocked it, I see past and future running free" is Rachel before manhattan, she sees all sorts of visions and doesn't know what's going on, just knows that it isn't happening now

"There is a world where I help you get home, but that's not a world I know" is Leo to Jason. If only he'd made it back just a bit sooner-- maybe jason wouldn't be dead

"A man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you" is drew returning to camp after manhattan, and at the start of this war she was happy and bright, and now she's unrecognizable.

"I'm the only one who's line I haven't crossed"

"What if I'm the one who killed you, every time I caved to guilt"

"What if I've been far to kind to foes but a monster to ourselves"

"Learn to be colder when she got older, and now she saves them the pain" Drew refusing to let aphrodite kids fight. if people don't remember they CAN fight, they won't make them fight. if they're kept out of the worst of the battles... well. drew will have protected them in the way she can.

"Does he throw away his remorse and save more lives with guile"

"Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves" that's a general drew and malcolm idea that connor is opposed to but can't get through to them on

"i must become the monster, and then we'll make it home" percy in house of hades (especially with ahklys)

"I have something that I must confess, something that I must get off my chest, until it is said I cannot rest" silena, trying to tell clarisse she's the spy, before she resorts to the drastic pulling a patroclus

"No, i'm not a player, I'm a puppeteer" Drew Tanaka in general. like she won't fight. she'll watch from the sidelines, manipulate people into doing things, but she doesn't want to get her hands dirty again.

"Of course I'd like to leave now, of course I'd like to run, but I can hardly sleep now, knowing everything we've done" Connor, refusing to run away with Malcolm and Drew the night before a big battle (you choose if it's manhattan, the BOO, or a trials of apollo battle)

"Wouldn't you like a taste of the power, wouldn't you like to use more than words?" some new camper trying to convince drew to fight (and then promptly getting stabbed, because drew CAN fight, she just prefers charmspeak)

"I've got people to protect... so I'm not taking chances" silena on why she chose to join luke. like yeah she was groomed but she also honestly thought it would protect those closest to her.

"i still believe in goodness, I still believe that we could be kind" connor, trying to reason with malcolm, drew, or clarisse in war counsel (about the romans specifically)

"you are reckless, sentimental at best" ares to clarisse about her fighting in manhattan (her loved ones' deaths were the things motivating her and she told kronos to fight her so)

"I know what I'm fighting for, while you're fighting to be known" malcolm to annabeth in an argument early on.

"what good would killing do, when mercy is a skill, more of this world could learn to use?" connor again, probably about the romans.

"the blood we shed, it never dries, is this what it means to be a warrior" sherman praying to his father, (he was so paralyzed by guilt after the battle of manhattan he would have nightmares about being covered in blood again and just throw up), (this is when he loses faith)

"this life is amazing when you greet it with open arms, whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart"

"i'd like to show my friend that kindness is brave" silena about clarisse

"Have you forgotten to turn off your heart?" clarisse to silena

bolded are chb in general

[cranetreegang]

Ominis Gaunt 5th Year Masterlist

===========================

Archive of Our Own Link

===========================

🦄Let Me Show You Something🦄

Ominis finds himself following the Fifth year due to his burning curiosity about her. He ends up finding more than he expected.

🦅An Unexpected Flight🦅

Ominis gets an unexpected owl to meet up with the Fifth year. He wonders what's in store for him and her 'surprise'.

😓Cruel Words😓

After a heated argument with Sebastian, the Fifth Year is left with doubts about her ability to salvage their friendship. Ominis comes in to comfort.

👀And Eyes as Cold as the Deepest Lakes👀

Curiosity gets the better of Ominis, and Natty must do what Sebastian failed to.

🎇Under the Rainfall, I See You🎇

As the two head back from a trip to Hogsmeade, a sudden rainstorm may dampen the mood, or show them more of each other than they thought possible.

🧹The Call of Adventure🧹 - Part One

Hoping to show Ominis the joys of broom flight, things take a drastic turn.

🧹And Adventure Answers🧹 - Part Two

With the two cornered by Ashwinders, Ominis and the Fifth Year must find a way to make it out alive.

🔥 Like Moths to a Flame, and a Lamb to Slaughter 🔥

As Ominis and Sebastian study, Sebastian wonders why Ominis is in such high spirits. And as he uncovers the truth, the pain of the Scriptorium rears its head.

❄The Winter Ball ❄

Thanks to the outcry of Quidditch being canceled, Black decides to throw a Winter Ball. Ominis stresses over the night, and things keep not going his way.

💚 Like an Unquenchable Flame, I See You 💚

A letter comes for the Fifth year, bearing a long awaited first date.

🤯Lessons into the Mind🤯 - Part One

Ominis' Legilimency keeps the Fifth Year's thoughts occupied and she wants to find out more.

🏏The Midnight Quidditch Club🏏

The Fifth Year gets invited to a secret Quidditch Match. Sebastian and Ominis are eager to see how it all plays out.

🤯Delving into the Mind🤯 - Part Two

In an attempt to strengthen his Legilimency, things take a turn for the worst and she's left wondering if it was worth it at all.

😭Save Her🤯 - Part Three

Ominis and the Fifth Year are no longer speaking to one another. A rift Sebastian takes note of, and tries to bridge for them. Things take a turn, and she may be lost to them... forever

🔗Unbreakable 🔗

After the events in the catacombs, Ominis knows there's only one way to ensure Sebastian can never repeat his mistake.

🧙‍♀️ A Niffler, A Blind Boy, and A Clever Witch 🧙‍♀️

Ominis is dragged into a treasure hunt and rescue mission. While he enjoys feeling her excitement, he wonders if the guilt she feels about Sebastian is coming to a head.

😫 Close Call 😫

Ominis is on the way to meet his love as she returns from Hogsmeade, but things don't go according to plan.

🤗The Return 😭- Part One

She returns from her harrowing battle with Ranrok and is quick to get to the only place she wants to be. But, she fears her actions will have consequences. And how long before those she loves have to feel her choices.

🤗Waking Dreams 😭 - Part Two

A lesson in looking into your 'true self' reveals more to the 'Hero of Hogwarts' than she would like. She's not ready to face what troubles her, but Ominis and her friends are beginning to lose their patience.

😭The Boggart😭 - Part Three

Everything comes to a breaking point, and Ominis is left with an impossible decision to make. But, the fear of losing his love is something he cannot risk.

😭Tell me, What do You See Now?🤗 - Part Four

Forgiveness is hard to find, but with the help of their friends, the two lovers may once again find their way to each other. Perhaps, emerging stronger than before.

👋Goodbye, For Now 👋

With the school year coming to a close, she has a hard time parting from her beloved Ominis.

💌 Summer Letters 💌 - Part 1

Letters exchanged between Ominis and his lover

🏠 Home at Last 🏠

Ominis finally returns to the Gaunt Estate. It's all that he remembers, except he's the one who's changed. He navigates his parents in search of any clues about Ancient Magic and his ancestors.

💌 Summer Letters 💌 - Part 2

EVEN MORE Letters exchanged between Ominis and his lover

===========================

Hogwarts Legacy Masterlist

===========================

[uououi7879]

Admiration.

You want to save a man who does not want to be saved.

Pairing: Uchiha Madara x reader

"Don't move."

Your eyes are fixated on his back.

"Uchiha Madara."

That name stumbled from your mouth without much thought when you saw him walking away, his back facing you.

You had grown to trust that back, those broad shoulders covered by a mane of a hair but here you are pointing your weapon at the same back you once swore to look after.

"You violated the treaty. You know what that means.", you say almost in a whisper. You wanted to sound tough but your body is not in sync with your intentions.

"I know." A pause.

"But the place needs a change.I need to change it."

"Even if it means war."

Your heart sinks as the words roll out of his tongue.

He never lies. That's the problem with him.

You know which is why right now you wish he were a liar because if this is what he really thinks, you cannot change his mind.

He is Madara Uchiha. You can kill him but he will stand for what he believes.

You want to scream at him. Tell him this is only going to hurt everyone and if not everyone, he will definitely not come out unscathed. You want to knock some sense into him. But you can't.

You can't save someone who does not want to be saved.

And Because you know your place.You are just another Shinobi he knows.

You can't make a difference.

It hurts but it's true. All your life you have admired him, watched him from the sidelines as he would leave and return from war. The clan leader, the prodigy, the achiever.

The closest you got to him was when you handed him a baked potato you were munching on when you stumbled upon him near the fountain. You may or may not have been stalking him. But he probably forgot. Why would he remember you? You are the very definition of ordinary.

He never looked at you but all you saw was him.

And when he finally did now you are stuck against one another. Fighting the same battle from different sidelines.

It hurt more than you thought. To not be able to stand by his side even until the very end till one of you stops breathing. You wanted to stand equal with him, admire him up close and perhaps if luck favoured it,

You wanted to love him. Freely for once. Not from the shadows. Not while hiding at the corners of the training grounds.

But here you are with your weapon pointing his way. Hoping desparately, you were not in this place, this time, this situation. You never thought you would hate being near him so much.

His back is wide, strong....but he looks alone. But he doesn't seem to mind it.

He needs help you know it but there is nothing you can help him with.

You want to cry, you want to disappear.

You'd rather he'd just kill you. Than being in different sidelines. Than being against each other's interest.

So you throw yourself into his attack range. Without any defence, with a stupid weapon just for show.

The next thing you know is a sharp pain in your neck and pitch darkness.

You lose your consciousness.You never thought you would one day be thankful to lose early in battle but here you are.Now at least you will not have to fight him.

Apparently Madara had hit a pressure point.

Madara stands there supporting your body with a single hand and he pulls you and picks you up. He examines your face and notices your wet cheeks and puffy eyes.

He smiles.

He knows this face.

"Not yet, baked potato."

[notsosmug87]

Ive had this Au idea in my head for a lil while and after doing some work on it i have decided to share it with you guys.

I proudly present:

The fractured Jay Au

(Huge shoutout to the very talented @sketchalicious. not only was this drawing based off one of their own but they were also one of the biggest inspirations for this Au. Go check em out they make awesome stuff) After the ninja Recuse Jay, his entire mental state collapses from the stress of flashbacks and visions after which, he goes into a comatose state. The ninja must now enter his mind to help him wake up. There, They find not only Jay, but six different versions of him. all of which represent their own guilts and traumas as well as Jays own too. The Ninja (now separated) must fight the one that represents them most and try to get every Jay to accept themselves.

The ninja also find out about the events of skybound through this whole ordeal; In Nyas case, having to relive it while also seeing what Jay went through on the Misfortunes keep.

The idea is that, Out of every ninja Jay holds the most baggage but does not show it, instead keeping it hidden very deep in his brain and I’m tired of people pretending like he doesn’t 😔

I will now Explain them in detail. Starting with:

The chosen one "Guilt ridden"

Fun fact: According to an old blooper reel, Jay was originally gonna be the green ninja; But the writers changed it to lloyd for a better surprise. Doesn’t take away from the fact that Jay looks good in green however.

This Jay is supposed to be a Representation of Lloyd, more specifically The weight lloyd has on his shoulders. Having to be the savior of ninjago (now the merged realms) can take a toll on a person; Lloyd is also now a sensei in training which has not helped his mental state at all; eventually bound to snap one way or another. And at one point there will be a battle he cannot win no matter how hard he tries.

From jays side, TCO is supposed to be a representation of His thoughts about how he has failed Lloyd and the others on several occasions (Releasing aspherra, Prime empire, letting Nya die twice, etc.) and how he solely Blames himself for it. All his self doubts telling him he’ll never be good enough, Among other things, in the forms of Twisted/Tainted visions of the other ninja and his parents. Making him go insane and he eventually snaps, succumbing to the delusion that in order to ever be good enough for Anyone he has to take over being the green ninja. But deep down he knows that the others will always care about him no matter what.

Worst case Scenario (CC for short) “The Sacrifice"

This one’s design wasn’t based off anything too important, I just think that Kai would be the second Ninja to become Undead.

CC represents Kai’s inability to let others sacrifice for him. While Kai is a hero through and through and will do anything for his family, he’s also selfish in the way that he doesn’t want the others to do the same for him Always insisting that it should have been him instead. CC looks like someone who has sacrificed too much without letting others help them. (Bit of a stretch i know)

In terms of Jay, CC is supposed to represent Denial. His skeletal remains are the Result Of what happens to someone who thinks “it should have been me” over every situation, Someone more... Expendable. A repeating memory of Nya dying in his arms keeps playing in his head. Losing flesh and organs after sacrificing himself to Defeat the Overlord; His skeleton Gains a fraction of his power that keeps him alive. But in the end it does not matter because he couldn’t save the one person most important to him, Nya. Jay knows no matter how many “What if” Scenarios happen in his head, the past is in the past and he must look on to the future, but can’t bring himself to after the many losses he’s Endured.

Agent walker "left to rot"

Design of course was based off our very own amnesiac Jason Walker, The current Manager of the administrations realm of reassignment.

Agent Walker is Everything Zane Dreads about himself; Becoming Cold and mechanical with no emotion. Agent Walker is Essentially a repeat of the Ice emperor. A once heroic individual Who forgot themselves and Changed because of Evil influence. Zane dreaded being the ice emperor and does not want any of his family to go through what he went through. Unfortunately, Jay is already halfway there. while we do not know if Agent Walker is truly corrupt due to the administration, Jay is Very much morally Gray, As out of every Ninja his moral compass is the weakest.

Having severe abandonment issues, Agent Walker Represents Jays Fear of being Forgotten about by his family, Essentially becoming a memory. that fear is realized once he spends a long time in the administration and no one has found him yet. Hence the Tagline, “Left to rot”. Having everyone Move on without him (especially Nya) Hurts So Badly that He Forces himself to forgot about the others and hoping the pain will eventually go away. Jay of course knows that His family and Yang could never forget about him, But doubts plague his mind telling him otherwise.

The Infiltrator “No Destiny"

Based off the (now very official) Evil Jay Figure which was recently leaked. The shirt was too hard to get right for me, so I decided to use my own design for it.

The infiltrator, A Strange Figure Who wields lightning powers. Hired by lord Ras; The same person who Went for Coles second family. This adds insult to injury in terms of their friendship.

This Jay pulls the same type of act that Cole does in DotD; By Doing something as drastic as Teaming up with a person who he knows has bad intentions just to be recognized outside of his feats at the administration and to be able to freely use his powers.

Representing Coles guilt, This Jay Has cemented himself as an enemy to the ninja and no longer an ally Forcing The battle to be painful for the Ninja. Especially Cole. However this Jay is not tethered to his relationships with them and will not hold back against those who oppose his leader

(Note: Not much is known about Jays motives or really anything about his evil character in part 2. This part might be rewritten later once we get a more clear view of his character.)

The infiltrator Is a manifestation of Jays fears about him going rouge/ Evil, So far almost all of the ninja Have Gone through their Evil “phase” and eventually, Jay must walk down that path. He feels hopeless however as without his memories he feels trapped; fettered to always serving a higher power Having No destiny To achieve thus Staying evil indefinitely.

Jay of the storm "Shameful woes"

This Jays design was inspired by some of the Seabound Aus I’ve seen and read. Much like Nyas design, He has Semi-lightning shaped hair and Lightning related body marks all over. he looks like a painting to show his coping mechanism When Nya was gone; Which was painting Portraits of her and him to ease his pain.

This one’s quite simple, Even after Becoming human again, Nya still harbors guilt for what she caused her family to go through And how much her sacrifice meant to everybody in ninjago. This Jay is supposed to represent her feelings about the whole situation and showing her a different perspective; one where Jay sacrificed himself instead of her. Of course in this made up timeline, Jay thinks of his sacrifice as Meaningless compared to Nyas. Thinking that the team moves on very quickly from what happened (Yes even Nya) and it eventually gets swept under the rug.

Further from the truth, Nya tries to convince Jay that this would never be the case. her words fall on deaf ears however, as Jay continues to lament in his own self pity.

Jay of the storm Is the personification of his shame and worry about him being a bad partner and an even worse teammate; Thinking of himself as worthless and nothing more than a deadweight To his family and his Yang. He thinks this way due to his biggest mistakes and how they led to so many bad things happening. (Especially Nyas deaths.) “I wish I could sacrifice to you as much as you have for me.” Nya has done so much for him and he thinks that he has done nothing in return. So maybe sacrificing himself could make him seem all noble and heroic once and for all. But he knows that he has done incredible feats and cannot blame himself for everything bad that has happened in their lives.

Nya will always love him And He’ll always love her, no matter how much the universe wants to seperate them they'll find each other eventually.

??? “Fractured beyond repair”

This design was based off The common trope of an alternate version of someone being their own shadow.

The real Jay (or At least a part of him), hidden deep inside his own Brain. living in denial of himself and being incomplete as his Whole Soul and memory was split into 5 different pieces representing his Repressed Thoughts.

Black as ink with a texture of tar, This Jay Is barely humanlike. Shutting himself out from anyone or anything trying to interact with him preferring to Wish it all away instead of Trying to fix all the issues he has caused. They say that when the Other 5 Make amends and come to terms with themselves, he will be let out of his cage like a wild animal. for better or for worse? Well there’s no clear answer for that. (Codeword for if I plan to expand this and write an actual fan fic)

Thank you for reading my hyperfixiation. while i do think this Au could never work in canon, Its very fun to think about it as jay probably has the most repressed trauma of all the ninja. plus its an Au for a reason.

[mmogurl]

So, last night I finally got through Daemon's arc in Fire and Blood.. There are going to be major spoilers in this post, so only click -keep reading- if you have read it already.. or don't care if I spoil it by talking frankly about its contents! I will be discussing Rhaenyra as well as Aemond. **SPOILERS!! IF YOU KEEP READING! YOU'VE BEEN WARNED.

So, I am just completely wrecked by his ending and how Rhaenyra basically pushes him to it with her psychotic, stupid ways. I mean.. I strongly disliked Rhaenyra after the show, before even reading the book (especially after that fight where she says she can't trust him which is not in the book). But now after reading it, I utterly despise her! She's awful! Horrible.. and the worst kind of stupid! It's like, she just goes kind of nuts, but nobody notices that she has. But it's so obvious that she is not thinking clearly, that or she truly doesn't care about anyone or anything.. Like they are all just pawns to her, dogs to use. But then she doesn't even know how to move them properly on the board - hence my calling her stupid.. I feel like her response of ordering Nettles death was the last nail in the coffin for Daemon, and he was just like.. Fuck this shit.. I mean she literally says, she doesn't care if the lord there takes her head in her sleep.. and she slept with Daemon! Can you imagine that shit?? And this is after she said it's perfectly ok for him to sleep around with Mysaria while Rhaenyra is seemingly uninterested in him, so it's not like she was jealous. But, it seemed like he might have actually cared for Nettles and so he sends her away to save her from all the fucking madness surrounding Rhaenyra and by proxy himself... The line where he and Aemond are talking and the young prince says he's lived long enough.. where Daemon simply replies.. "On that much we can agree," is just so telling.

Imagine having been instrumental in putting Rhaenyra on the throne only to have it become so fucked in the end. And ultimately, I don't think he has the heart to do what he SHOULD do.. which is kill her.. he just decides to go off and die an honorable death in battle like a fucking Viking warrior going off to Valhalla.. But it's so bittersweet.. I hated it.. hated how it all felt like it was for nothing.. because Rhaenyra's a fucking idiot who can't listen to a god damned bit of advice from her much more experienced husband! Like, he suggests TWICE in the book to give Ulf and Hugh something to keep them happy and twice she refuses! So how does it come as a surprise when they turncoat?? But let's be realistic.. the whole Red Sowing was fucking foolhardy to begin with! Tell me, does it make sense to give the power of a god to bastards with no allegiance!? And then to not even buy their allegiance!? It's. just. stupid. Stupid stupid stupid. I'm going to be writing my fic with even more fervor now, because honestly, the entire war in the book.. What happens to Maelor, what happens at Tumbleton!? It's all a nightmare and should be avoided.. A terrible, terrible wrong that must be made right! Ugh! Rhaenyra was already an opponent in my fic - In the Shadow of Dragons. Without spoiling the story, I already have it out for her, but now it's on like fucking Donkey Kong, bitch! Ugh, and to lose Daemon and Aemond at the same time!?! X_X!!! It was at least an awesome battle and the art in the book was epic level, but they are both my favorites and now they are both dead. Now all that is left is to read about how cake eating, psycho Rhaenyra gets overthrown. I am currently at the part where King's Landing has gone into revolt.. and I'm thinking it won't be pretty for her when it happens. And there's another thought.. when you see everything awful that happens under Rhaenyra's rule, one cannot help but consider.. That even Aegon might have done a better job!

/End Rant

[aashi-heartfilia]

BnHA 392: Ochako gets stabbed. No she's not dying.

Yeah so what if she got stabbed? With stabby pants Toga around this was bound to happen.

Doesn't mean that she is gonna die!

And even if it looks serious, I don't think it will have a serious consequence or anything. She might as well get a cool scar like All Might at most.

And I don't even wanna talk about that grab scene on the next page. I think it's a mistake that will be corrected during the volume publish, remember how inking on Ochako and Toga wasn't on point either in the last chapter.

With Hori's declining health, I think it's a very likely case.

Anyways, we'll have to wait now for two weeks to see if our babygirl is all right or not.

Contrary to popular belief, I think she's fine. Great infact, because now she'll fight more seriously.

Remember how in her battle vs Bakugo during SF, when even her friends underestimated her and thought she needed help?

But she proved to everyone that she's more than capable of handling herself when the time calls for it?

And this is a battle she cannot afford to lose, we have lives on the line. Not just her fellow heroes but Toga herself is also in danger and Uravity is a hero who wants to see everyone smile.

I think this is bound to come sooner or later. Like what kind of hero Uravity will be?

Like Ingenium is a hero who guides lost children to their home, Uravity will find a way to save Toga and the entire battlefield that is dealing with Sad Man's Death Parade.

Now, it's more important than ever because we've seen that Pixie Bob is down for the count. She was the main person containing the clones but now that she is down and Toga has created multiple doppelgangers of our beloved heroes, everyone is at a risk of getting stabbed.

Since the last two chapters were about Toga, I think the next chapter will be about Ochako.

Personally I would love an Ochako Uraraka: Origins chapter and then a Rising Chapter following it!

This will be one of the biggest moments of the series where a character gets an Origin and a rising chapter simultaneously.

A chapter that shows us Ochako's life before she joined UA.

Just like Toga, we only had a glimpse of Ochako's past. Bonus material suggests that she used to sleep to save money and bear the heat in summers because her parents could not afford an AC. But that's not all.

Horikoshi has been hinting at this dynamic for a long time. So I feel like there has been something about Ochako that has been hidden from us, as readers.

It was always hidden in plain sight, just like how those postcards were a foreshadowing for Ochako getting stabbed in the stomach.

The author said that there is a scene between TOGACHAKO that he is itching to draw.

Personally I don't know what scene it is. It could be Toga stabbing Ochako in the recent chapter, or it could be something entirely different. We won't know for sure until this arc concludes.

As for this arc, I think this fated battle will last for at least 3-4 more chapters.

Everything is in complete chaos and it will take time to wrap this up. Even if a miracle were to happen, I don't see a direct solution to TOGA's Sad Man Parade unlike Dabi where Shouto just reaching on time was everything.

Not only Ochako will need to convince Toga to stop her Parade but also deal with the existing ones that are running rampant around the battlefield.

Also, can I just say how much I loved Ochako just casually flying over the entire parade?

Also her jet boosters are finally coming in handy!

Also I just loved how much control she has over gravity now. She literally pulled both Toga and Tsu out like it was nothing! Plus the Twice clones surrounding her!!

Toga using the blood from the battlefield totally caught me off-guard. She really is playing 5D chess now.

Guess, it goes to show you how smart she actually was up until now.

Ochako and Toga are two faces of a coin. Of course, they're both smart.

Plus I think Toga is still not using her full power, as the Curious vestige suggested. She's still hiding her true self.

And maybe that's the answer to everything. Ochako will try to appeal to whatever goodness is left of her.

Ochako knows that Quirks are nature and just like Toga, she's been hiding her true feelings all along. And I think the feeling that she's been hiding is envy.

She was jealous of how 'normal' everyone else is and how they get to express their love and she doesn't. It is not a form that society will accept.

But in the world of MHA, how do you even decide what is normal and what isn't?

Her parents literally denied her humanity.

I also loved what Tsuyu said here about Heroes following the rules. If killing was the only way, Ochako and the heroes were more than capable of doing that.

But it's not about killing or arresting her anymore but rather about confronting a little girl who has been rejected her entire life, even by her own parents.

It's about a young girl with a big dream who wants to see everyone smile and yes that includes Toga too.

It was never a story about killing people because violence leads to even more violence, it's about understanding and sympathy, care and compassion and this is how true heroes are born.

Cheers! Sunshine!

~Thanks for reading

[regulusrules]

Hi there! I've read every Hurt/Comfort Merlin fics you recommend. Thank you!! These were gorgeous. Do you have any other recommendations for hurt/comfort 👉👈?

More Hurt/Comfort? Hold my hot chocolate!

It's physically improbable for me to go through all these at this point😂 but nevertheless! of course I'll rec you some!

1. Give Me Your Fear, I'll Give You My Faith by ironfamjam. I think this fic is one of the best H/C I've read recently. Merlin is cursed to lose all his senses while Arthur could only watch. The desperation you see in Arthur trying to save Merlin.. their communication beyond humane limitations.. the sheer understanding emanating between them.. it was all just amazing. So raw and beautiful. It's also written in TSOA writing style, so the emotions are practically flowing. Kudos to the author for slowly robbing us of our own senses while reading this.

2. The Patter of Tiny Feet on Cold Stone Floors by TheAvalonian. Whenever I get rec asks, I always go back and skim the fics to be absolutely sure of what I'm recommending. But in this one, I didn't need to do that. I read this fic nearly four years ago and it still rings in my heart the same way it did when I first read it. Just the perfect semblance of golden age with proper hurt. It truly did hurt. But the comfort in it made it worth the while. Definitely recommend it if you have time for a long one.

3. Winning A Battle by OhFantasyWorld. Oh how I love this fic. It's just so simply Merlin and Arthur. It perfectly captures the essence of their dynamic while Arthur was still an emotionally constipated prince. It also has a mysterious edge to it that makes it even the more interesting. You're left wondering all fic why Arthur is so sad and so drawn into his misery. Until the very end. And the H/C is 🤌. Really recommend.

4. A Story Behind Each by CaptainOzone. I really am w e a k for Scar Reveal fics. I think this as a trope is very underrated in our fandom. The sheer number of times we see Merlin getting hurt on Arthur's behalf is just insane. So much unused material. I really loved this one for how soft it was. And BAMF Merlin was crème de la crème. If it's a scars reveal AND a BAMF fic, then what more could we possibly ask for?

5. In the woods by transcastiel. A translation of MaryBarrens's fic. If you've been following me long enough, you must know by now how much I loathe S5E5 The Disir. Legit, I cannot even write all my thoughts down here from how much I hate it. This episode was all that went wrong. It was the hamartia of the show. Therefore, anyone who just writes two words as a fix-it for this fic, I'll kudos them to eternity. And even though this one is so short, but God it just perfectly captured what SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED. This was what we deserved. This and nothing else.

------

* Have you read My heart is readily yours? Can't waste an opportunity to circle this one around since I consider it my greatest H/C creation. Or Arthur-in-desperation creation. Or Screaming-in-my-face-worthy creation. I took the hurt to some real extremes, and I don't regret a single thing.

------

Thank you for following my recs! Always happy to rec some more💖

[gachawolfiebloom]

Your Pursuit of Perfection

Story and Artwork By: @GachaWolfieBloom

Alternate Ending: What have I Done?

Summary: A few months after the events of WOTFI 2023, SMG4 starts having really bad dreams about the "Its gotta be perfect" incident. One night however, his fear allows the nightmares to break through and he gets taken to a horrific dimension. He finally meets the tv adware, who manipulates him into returning to his insane ways, intent on claiming much more than the perfect video. Now it's up to his friends to stop this madness and save SMG4. Can they do it in time or will they lose SMG4 forever? (In case you are unaware this is a sequel to the its gotta be perfect movie)

Tags: angst, its gotta be perfect, love confession, luigi, mario, meggy, melony, nightmares, scary, smg3, smg4, smg34, smg3 x smg4, tari, tv adware

Author's Note: Okay okay I hear you. I have gotten comments on my Tumblr and Wattpad for the bad ending to your pursuit of perfection for quite some time, so here it is! This chapter leaves off right after the rap battle and answers the question lots of fans have been wondering: What would have happened if Smg4 gave in to Mr Puzzles? Warning that there is blood and gruesome descriptions in this.

The TV Adware shields his eyes, but opens them to find that rays of meme powers have hit Smg4. One speaks in a commanding voice to the corrupted man. "Your darkness cannot survive in our energy! Loosen your grip on Smg4's heart and let him speak!" The pink cracks on his face etched in deeper as the man they belonged to struggled to fight it. "NO!" Mr Puzzles had enough of this foolishness as he disappeared into the dark shadows behind him, determined to put a stop to this once and for all.

"This isn't working!" Meggy called out until a familar voice spoke "You...guys came back? You didn't forget about me?" They all tuned to see Four with his soft blue eyes, grieving in pain and speaking in a low croak. Tears formed in his eyes as he asked "You didn't replace or reject me?"

Tari smiled and said "Of course not! Why would you think that?" Four felt a dark cloud surrounding him while he was curled up on his knees. Why wasn't his corrupted form disappearing? "I thought that you would never forgive me for what I did. I wanted to forget it!" Suddenly that voice following him around was echoing through his ears once again. "Smg4...don't let these 'friends' fool you."

"Y-You...It was you that gave me those nightmares." The connection was running out and Four was distraught. "We can't hold it for that much longer!" One called out. When Three heard that, his heroic stupidity took hold as he let go of his fellow meme guardians and rushed towards Four. "THREE NO!" Meggy tried to stop him, but it was too late. Three grabbed his hand and tried to use their connection.

What happened next was quite unfortunate as Three awoke to find himself in Four's mind. He then saw his lover from another life and the tall TV man next to him. Mr Puzzles was whispering conflicting persuasions into his ear that made Three understand why Four was so broken.

"What have they done for you?"

"You could have had the perfect video if you didn't save him."

"You should be ruling this world with me."

"I'm your only friend."

Three's anger started to boil as he yelled "LET HIM GO!" Mr Puzzles chuckled and said "Why should I do that?" Three pulled out a bomb and said "Easy. Because I will KILL YOU!!!" He rushed towards him and threw the bomb, but the entertainer disappeared upon impact. Three looked all around and yelled "SHOW YOURSELF YOU FRICKING TV CRAP!!!"

Mr Puzzles reappeared behind him and said "Over here." Three turned and threw another explosive at him, but once again Mr Puzzles's great vanishing act had happened again. He kept reappearing in several spots for each explosion to happen a few seconds too late.

"Nope."

"Hello."

"Just missed me."

"I could do this for all eternity."

All according to plan.

Mr Puzzles played around with Three's emotions for a few more minutes until he appeared by Four and waved. Three was breathing tirelessly as his body ached with exhaustion. "What's wrong Smg3? Tired already? Aw that's a shame. I was having such a good time." Three could have never foretold what happened next. It would soon become the biggest regret of his life...or even his last moments.

"I HATE YOU! YOU'RE A MONSTER! THAT'S ALL YOU ARE!!!"

Mr Puzzles face didn't change into shock, but instead to a pleasing expression. "Oh my. Did you hear that Smg4?" Three's eyes widened as he noticed that Four was listening and his face was horrified like nothing Three had ever seen before. "You...hate me?" In a mad panic, Three tried to take back what he said. "NO! I WAS TALKING TO MR PUZZLES! I SWEAR I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT ABOUT YOU FOUR!"

Mr Puzzles placed a hand on his shoulder and said "I'm sorry Smg4, but this was what I was warning you about. Your friends never loved you and they never will." It was all made clear. Everything that Three had done was just what Mr Puzzles had wanted. Four's transformation was never permanent...but now it would be.

"You're right. You both were right. I'm a monster. I have no friends. I'm trapped with my wrongful actions. I'll never be anything more." Three covered his mouth with his hands. If anyone was feeling more immense guilt between the two, it was him. Out of everything he did to Four, this had crossed the line. The smirking Adware clapped his hands and said "Thank you Smg3. You finally admitted your true feelings for Smg4...didn't you."

"NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE!" He couldn't take it anymore as he grabbed Four and admitted "I LOVE YOU SMG4!" He hoped that admitting his real feelings would be enough to repair the damage he had caused, but no matter how much he tried Four was convinced that the opposite of Three's honest feelings was what everyone really thought of him.

Four's hands grew cold and his body shook. Three had hit his breaking point as he grabbed Four and pulled him into an embrace. He shut his eyes tightly, reopening them to find that the bond had broken and One and Two looked like they were about to collapse from exhaustion. Four was grimacing with anger back in his corrupted form. Mr Puzzles saw his opportunity and seized it when he yelled out "YOU ALL HAVE INTERFERED FOR THE LAST TIME! NIGHTMARE FOUR DESTROY THEM!" In a flash, the permanent transformation controlled the movement of a mad dash and Four gripped Three's wrist, growing tighter and tighter.

"Four! You're hurting me! Stop!" Four didn't listen as he could clearly sense what this being had said. "SHUT IT! YOU ALL HAVE TREATED ME LIKE A JOKE! I'LL SHOW YOU THAT I'M MORE POWERFUL THAN ALL OF YOU COMBINED!!!"

"THREE! NOOO!" Meggy cried as a sharp pain filled his wrist. His vision blurred as he looked down and saw that Four had broken his wrist so badly that it was bleeding. The others watched in complete shock. They never had known what Four was capable of until right now.

Three tried to pull himself up, but a strong force pulled him up to their face. "Isn't it ironic that you have threatened to kill me so many times and I was actually the one who did it to you..." His past. He could have used his last bit strength to pull away and end the man's life for good just like his old self had promised. Instead he flashed a weak smile and said with tears "I'm sorry Four...for everything." He deserved to be put out of his misery. No matter how much he tried, his selfishness just made the one he loved suffer more. "If this will make you feel better...I'm ready."

That was the last thing he said before an arm pounded through his chest. A metallic taste filled his mouth and his eyes flickered out. It was his final moments. Four dropped the corpse and looked at the others with a flashing pink eye. "Don't worry, you're next!"

...

Silence. Sweet silence. Mr Puzzles sat upon his bitter throne while watching over his new kingdom. His partner watched along with him, eyes narrow. He should be happy. Finally no more nightmares. No more pain and suffering. Nobody to tell him he was worthless. These thoughts swarmed him until something else made him feel...different? Everything was shriveled up and the sky was blood red. Reminded him of someone's eyes.

A bunch of corpses lied down in the distance beneath them. One caught his eyes and he sighed. "Isn't this better Smg4?" He nodded and said "I'm going for a walk..." He left his once tranquil castle of the Showgrounds and looked down at the bleeding man. His chest had a huge hole in it and his face looked tired.

Four looked down at his hands, covered with blood. Those memories. Those feelings. Those good times. It was filled with so much more happiness than what had come now. Maybe even better if Three and him had become...

Tears started to stream down his face as he collapsed onto his knees. He held his lover in his arms, looking down at his sweet face. Corpses of his friends surrounded them as sadness and loneliness was the only thing to keep him company now. Gone. Gone forever. A lump in his throat had formed and a shaky voice said the only thought he had left.

"Oh god. What have I done?"

You've made things perfect...

[voltronisanobsession]

Compromised - Platonic Yandere! Voltron x Reader

This was a lot longer than what I intended it to be but whatever🔥

The rapid sound of footsteps echoed through the hallways, a sense of urgency present with each step taken. As the door came into view, the one door that held the most important thing in the universe, a sigh of relief was heard in the now quiet hall. He tried listening through the door for any signs of life, in which he received none, causing him to abruptly open the door.

There you laid on a bed, eyes tracing the ceiling blankly, ignoring the intruding figure at the entrance of your room. “Why didn’t you respond to the communicator Y/N?”

Turning your head, you stared at Shiro for a few seconds before ultimately deciding to stand up. “Sorry Shiro, I was just having so much fun. In this empty room. Doing absolutely nothing. Dying from absolute excitement.” The sarcasm seeped out like venom with each word, causing the man to wince.

Sighing, he responded, “I know staying in here isn’t an exactly ideal situation, but it’s the best way in keeping you safe.” Hopefully you would understand this time.

“Keeping me safe from what? The Galra? Space? You guys aren’t protecting me from anything, you’re only scared of what could happen to me.”

“Y/N.” Shiro just couldn’t understand how you didn’t see all the dangers that lay beyond the castle walls. How they’ve faced death on so many occasions just so they could continue saving the universe.

“No! It isn’t fair that I’m stuck locked in this stupid room with you saying you’re protecting me when you guys willingly throw yourselves in the face of danger! I can defend myself, I’m a paladin of Voltron too!”

“No you cannot Y/N. Remember how Keith had to save you from that Galra soldier who tried slicing you in half? Or how you lost your bayard because you were too busy trying to escape one of the sentrys’ shooting at you? Everything we do is for you, whether you choose to see that is on you.”

In frustration, you grabbed the nearest item (aka a pillow) and threw it against the wall, watching the feathers explode from its case. This wasn’t fair.

“I got my bayard in the end though! And if I lose my bayard again I can always try to summon it back like you did! I’m more than just some item to be kept away forever. I am a part of this team as much as anyone else!”

Dragging his metal hand across his face, Shiro had to take a deep breath before walking fully into the room, sitting on your bed after locking the door behind him. He patted the spot next to him, urging you to sit with him, which you reluctantly did.

“I was only able to get the black lions’ bayard by chance Y/N. In a real situation, if your bayard was taken from you, the chances of you successfully summoning your bayard is extremely low.” This caused you to deflate a bit.

“We know how bad you want to join us during missions, but putting you out in the field is too much of a risk we don’t want to take. Y/n, please, you have to see how important you are to all of us. The thought of you getting hurt physically pains me.”

This caused you to hang your head low, making Shiro think he finally knocked some sense into you. “But you guys get hurt too. Why am I the only exception? If you just give me the opportunity to show you all I can be helpful then I wouldn’t constantly fight against you.”

“You don’t even have a lion Y/N. You know yours was destroyed during the creation of the lions, so even if we were to allow you on missions you wouldn’t be able to do much. It’s better to have you away from battle.

Finally getting fed up, you sprang from the bed onto your feet which surprised Shiro. You didn’t care if they didn’t allow you into battle. You didn’t care if you had to stay with Coran watching and aiding from the sidelines, you just wanted to be out of this room.

Suddenly Allura’s voice rang throughout the castle and in your room from the speakers. “Shiro we need you in the bridge immediately.”

You watched with intense eyes as the man got up from your bed, heading towards the door of the room. “Shiro if you leave without me right now, I promise you I will do everything in my power to leave by myself.”

Shiro hesitated for a moment, hearing how bitter the words were. Looking back, all he could see was the anger in your eyes, as if you already knew what he was going to say.

“I’m sorry Y/N, we’ll continue talking about this when I come back.” This caused you to flop on your bed staring straight up at the ceiling once again, just like how he had originally found you.

Opening the door, he looked back once more, departing with his final words, “Please make sure you respond to the communicator on time.”

Receiving no reply, Shiro walked out, locked the door, and began heading to the control room, completely unaware of your quiet plans.

Sitting up, you listened as Shiro’s footsteps became quieter the further he walked away from your room until there was nothing but silence. Closing your eyes, you began focusing on the one thing you’ve been training yourself for after all this time. Shiro was able to summon the black lions bayard from a vast distance, who’s to say you couldn’t do it either.

Despite Shiro’s past words echoing in your mind, you brushed it off, almost feeling like this will finally be the attempt that will succeed. Having your bayard would mean being able to get out of the suffocating room, and a chance at freedom. You were taking a huge risk in attempting this but at this point, nothing else really mattered. Only the thought of freedom was keeping your fire burning.

Concentrating hard, you began slowing your heartbeat, taking deep breaths, and trying to connect yourself to your bayard. Searching, it took a while before you found the resembling energy of your bayard. It was faint, very faint actually, showing the distance between you and your beacon of hope.

Opening your hand slightly, you began imagining the feeling of the bayard, remembering how it weighed in your hand and remembering the energy it had given you in the short moments you had it.

It was yours, it’s energy finally connecting with your own. The feeling was uncomfortable at first, it was almost like something was being shoved into your body, making you feel a whole new energy present.

A bright light flashed causing your heartbeat to accelerate, praying that the light was really what you thought it was. Slowly opening your eyes, the heavy weight in your hand confirmed your prayers. The bayard was clutched in your hand, gleaming under the light of your room.

“YES! YESYESYESYES YEEESSS!” Jumping on the bed with joy, your eyes slightly filled with tears. You knew you could do it! Everything they’ve said about you was wrong!

“Oh my gosh I actually did it! Haha suck on that Shiro!” Your bayard transformed into your weapon, the feeling of your dagger familiar and comforting as you ran to the door. Forcing the dagger between the wall and the door, you grunted from the force you applied as you tried opening it.

Slowly but surely, it slowly began to slide open, the small opening being forced wide enough for your whole body to fit through.

You needed to get to an escape pod immediately before any of them noticed you were running around the castle freely. You’ll figure out step two once you’re out of the castle.

Sprinting through the corridors, you realized you were on the opposite side of where you needed to be. You could only hope you made it far enough before one of them took notice.

While the others spoke of their next move against the Galra, Coran was busy loading up information onto the system, when he got a small pop up of a small dot traveling quickly through the halls.

“Uh guys? I think we may have a problem.” Quickly tapping around, he pulled up a camera to your room first, eyes widening as he saw the forced opening of your door.

“What’s going on Coran?” Hunk moved next to the shocked man, his own eyes opening wide while the rest of the group gathered around quickly. Keith was the first one to dash out of the room not wanting to waste another second as you ran through the halls of the castle.

“How did they even do that?!” Lance quickly grabbed his bayard, anxiously waiting for instructions. The group watched as Coran replayed the video, seeing you struggling while trying to open the door with your dagger, the one thing their eyes focused on immediately.

“Alright team let’s move out! Coran do you have any idea where Y/N could be heading?” Hunk and Pidge went to retrieve their own bayards while Allura stared at the screen with a blank face.

“Uuummm from what I’m seeing, they’re trying to get to the opposite side of the castle!”

“Y/N is trying to get to the escape pods.” Allura was awoken from her trance like state, running towards the doors of the control room, everyone following after her.

“Here you go paladins! Y/N is a bit ahead of you all but it seems Keith is near them.” A map popped up in the group’s helmets, the red dot a stark contrast against the six blue dots that moved across a map of the castle.

“Alright listen up! Our best bet is to try and cut Y/N off from their path. We need to lead them back to the control room, there we’ll have the upper hand in a more enclosed space!” Shiro’s voice was strong and powerful as he spoke, the others grunting in agreement as they all continued running down the corridors.

“Found them!” Keith yelled out as the group followed to where his and Y/N’s dot were shown on the map.

Quickly turning the corner, Pidge was abruptly shoved into a wall as Allura saved her from the flying knife heading her way.

“Keith!”

“WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!” You yelled out in frustration, blocking Keith’s attacks with your much smaller blade. Kicking him back, Keith stumbled onto Lance, causing both of them to tumble onto the ground.

Running around the next corner, the rest of the team followed after you.

“Remember the plan guys! Left!” In confusion, you looked back only to see a blast coming straight for you on your right. Quickly jumping to the left, you turned the left corner in order to avoid Lance and Hunks’ nonstop firing.

Running down the hall, you were about to make a right until Shiro yelled out, “Left!”

You watched with wide and shocked eyes as Keith’s sword flew straight past your head and into the wall in front of you. This caused you to stumble a little into the wall, running towards the left once again.

“WHAT THE HELL KEITH! ARE YOU ACTUALLY TRYING TO KILL ME?!” After running down multiple hallways, it didn’t take you long to figure out they were trying to lead you somewhere as you began recognizing some of the rooms you ran by.

Were they trying to herd you into one of the rooms?! Looking back once again, you noticed how concentrated all of them looked as they followed you down each turn. Deciding to take the ultimate risk, you headed in the opposite direction Shiro yelled out. “Left!”

Taking a breath in, you ducked past Allura’s whip as she threw it rather aggressively, instead heading towards the right. You needed to get to a pod asap, you were beginning to grow tired.

You used your advantage to put as much space between you and the paladins as they stumbled confused into a wall after you didn’t turn into the direction they were leading you to.

“Uh guys! I think Y/N found out what we’re trying to do!” Hunk yelled out as he quickly pushed himself off the wall, huffing a bit as exhaustion began seeping through his bones.

“No kidding! What do we do now?!” Lance could only run so fast before he began falling behind with Hunk.

“Run!” Keith could feel his heart thumping against his chest, watching as you turned the final corner before disappearing from their sight. Pushing harder, he, Allura, and Shiro swiftly followed after you with Pidge close behind.

You finally had made it to one of the escape pods, quickly trying to open it before hearing a loud shout.

“I’m sorry Y/N!” Next thing you knew, a wire was wrapped around your leg and you were yanked off the pod. Grunting out in pain from the harsh landing, you quickly in return yanked Pidge’s cord with all your strength causing her to lose her balance.

“Y/N please! What has gotten into you?!” Allura was huffing a bit yet she was filled with enough energy to fight if needed.

“What has gotten into ME?! I absolutely refuse to be locked up again!” At this, Lance and Hunk busted through and into the room where all of you stood tensely, waiting for someone to make a move.

You stood your ground, clutching onto your dagger tightly, watching silently before noticing Keith eyeing your weapon.

“How did you get that?”

“Doesn’t matter how I got it. Let me go.”

Furrowing his eyebrows, Keith began to run towards you before he felt a hand clamping over his shoulder. You stood in a more defensive position after the abrupt movement. Keith’s angry eyes made contact with Shiro’s narrowed ones.

“You can’t leave Y/N. Even if you get into the pod you won’t be able to get out of the castle.”

You wouldn’t let them see how your hands shook, you won’t let them know that you knew Shiro was right. Not after you came this far. Not when you were so close to freedom.

That’s when an idea came into your head.

Quickly, you pointed the dagger straight over your heart, now knowing you had the upper hand as you heard the gasps coming from all of them. You were only bluffing but with the state you were in, they didn’t know that.

“Y/N!” Hunk gasped in shock, hands suddenly trembling with fear. Allura gulped audibly, her hands now tightly clutching her weapon, hoping that’ll lower her nerves.

“Y/N please. Please take that away from you.” Keith’s voice strained in anxiety, eyes wide as he watched you take a few steps back. Lance lowered his gun, hoping that that might calm you down.

“There’s a better way this could end.” Shiro looked at the group, fear present in all of their eyes. Pidge was the first one to drop her bayard, almost sensing that was the only way to pacify you.

“Thanks Pidge. Now the rest of you, drop your weapons.” They all hesitated until you threateningly moved the dagger closer to your chest. Quickly, Lance dropped his weapon with Hunk following after him. After intensely staring at you, Allura threw down her bayard, hearing it clank loudly against the floor.

Being the last one, Keith looked over to Shiro, seeing the man nod, he dropped his sword, watching it turn back to its original form. You had completely forgotten about his knife, seeing as you soon began to relax a bit.

“We’re willing to work with you Y/N. But not if you’re openly threatening your own life.” Allura’s voice was sharp, yet you could hear the slight tremble in her voice.

Glancing at all of them one last time, you slowly lowered you weapon, letting your arms fall to your side. Walking over to the spacecraft, you leaned against it and had to hold back a chuckle as you saw all of them flinch the closer you got to the ship.

“I don’t want to be locked up anymore.” Was the first thing you said after a few moments of silence. Shiro clenched his jaw, already knowing where this was heading.

“You all say this was for the better but I was slowly going insane trapped in there. You all seem to know me well. You know under normal circumstances, I would never go against you guys.”

You slowly walked up to the group, glancing around to find a camera pointed directly at you all, knowing Coran was watching how this all went down. Like a predator stalking its prey, you circled around them, kicking their bayards further away from them, one by one.

Now standing in front of them, at a distance, you looked at them each in the eyes.

“Now let’s talk.”

[emergency-vehicle]

Saudade, Saudade

TRANSFORMERS PRIME | SONG FIC

CHARACTERS: Optimus Prime (Deceased), Ratchet, Original Character- Daniel Tarfeld

RELATIONSHIP: Optimus Prime/Ratchet

WORD COUNT: 4.2 K

WARNINGS: Semi-Graphic depictions of depression, grieving loss of a loved one, self neglect

SUMMARY: It's been well over three vorn since Optimus Prime's passing, and Ratchet is taking it about as well as the next bot. Stationed back on Earth, the old medic spends most of his time alone. Most. With his only sort of contact being a human, Ratchet would much rather sit in silence as they work together. However today, Daniel Tarfeld (his government assigned apprentice) has different plans.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING: Saudade, Saudade - MARO, Better in the Morning - Birdtalker, Sound the Bugle - Brian Adams

“I did not come to this planet to save one life, only to lose the life I care about the most!”

The words ripped from Ratchet’s vox. The world around him was crisp, white, hazy. There was a rising panic running up his neural array, making the hydraulics in his arms and legs tense up, poised and ready to run.

“Ratchet…” His name was sweet to the audials, Prime’s voice thick with emotion.

“Optimus…please.” Ratchet’s voice was soft, ragged. “Don’t leave.”

His Prime smiled at him. Softly, sweetly. It pulled at his spark, the pain in his chest growing. He could see the reflection of it in Optimus’ optics, the way the smile didn’t reach them. Optimus stepped forward, away from the well. Ratchet couldn’t help the pitiful, pleading swell of hope that came from his EM field, reaching out to him.

Optimus’ smile turned sad as he placed his servo on his lover’s face, his thumb gently tracing the tracks below his eyes.

“You know I must.” He whispered. Ratchet relished his voice. “But I will never be truly gone.”

His hand moved to cover Ratchet’s chest, feeling the raw sorrow that emanated from his spark.

“I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me.”

Optimus’ bright optics searched his own. Their fields mingled, Ratchet could feel how his own grief was mirrored tenfold by his Prime. He knew that this choice wasn’t a choice. It was Optimus’ charge, his duty- his mission.

Ratchet leaned his head against his Prime’s sturdy chest, relishing his sparkbeat one final time. He could hold his emotions in no longer as a sob so forceful came from deep within him it made his voice modulator crack and reset. He had never dreamed it would end like this. At so many points he thought he would lose Optimus- his battles with the Decepticons, the cybonic plague, the destruction of their base, the endless war. That? Those endings? Those were expected. Those he could make sense of.

But this? No. Never this.

“I’m so, so sorry, old friend.”

The apology rang hollow in his audial sensors, no matter how heartfelt it was.

Ratchet let Optimus pull away without a fight. The world spun around him as he took his place at the lip of the well, the words that came from his vox muted and unintelligible. He could only watch in abject horror as Optimus Prime fell backwards into the well.

The new sparks, their bright colors flitting around could not bring Ratchet out of his trance. He was barely aware of how the others reacted, their oohs and aahs falling on deaf audio processors. All Ratchet could see was the space in which Optimus Prime said his last words. The space in which, only mere moments ago, Optimus Prime had stood. The space in which Optimus Prime made his ultimate sacrifice.

—

Ratchet woke up with a start. He always did. Ever since the nightmare on Cybertron happened, he was lucky if he got three hours of recharge.

Wearily, the Autobot pulled up his HUD. It was showing to be 5:34 AM, Eastern Standard time. Huh. Maybe he had gotten more recharge than he thought.

With a groan, he stood from his berth, stretching his struts and reaching his servos above his helm. The stretches had become more painful as time went on, and it certainly didn’t help that he had…neglected…his personal upkeep.

Ratchet drank energon, he oiled the joints connecting his digits to his servos, but anything else had simply become a waste of time. Once, maybe twice a week, did he visit the washracks. Not that it mattered, mechs did not emit the same terrible smell that the children once did. He only did it because he had found himself traveling a lot more than before.

True to his word, Ratchet had stayed back on Earth. He preferred it this way- no reminders. Nothing but his sterile lab and the meetings with annoying bureaucrats. Agent Fowler had graciously relocated Ratchet to a much smaller base, somewhere far away from Jasper, Nevada. The old medic found himself in a place called Oakridge, Tennessee.

He was placed under the watchful eye of an Army reserve base, which suited him just fine. Ratchet liked the routines of the base. They were familiar, and somehow, oddly comforting. The same as Unit E, but different enough to put his neural net at ease.

The humans of Tennessee were much different than those of Nevada. It was hard to believe that they were of the same country. Their speech was slower, their smiles more abundant, their culture far more community focused. Not that Ratchet would ever spend more time than he had to with them, of course. He simply preferred to observe.

Still, he could imagine that Optimus would- would have- gotten along quite well with them.

Ratchet had to stop, shutter his optics, and take in a deep vent. Nope. He would not be thinking about that today.

He let the vent out slowly and refocused.

Ratchet had work to do. Work was good. Work kept his mind busy, and more importantly, distracted.

He drug himself out of the small berthroom and into the nerve center he called his lab. Pristine scientific equipment, that was certainly in much better shape than him, greeted him. The project that was currently in progress stood in the middle of the room. If someone were to walk in on his work, they would think they had just walked into a clean room. Nothing was out of place, nothing was dirty, and everything was in perfect repair. Just how he liked it.

Graciously, once the Deception threat had passed from Earth's history, Agent Fowler had somehow found the funding to give Ratchet what he truly needed to work. It sat bitterly in the bot’s chest. His team was not deserving of this equipment, but as soon as there was a promise to share technological advancements, suddenly he had everything he needed.

Fragging bureaucrats.

With a heavy vent, Ratchet set to work.

The decision to share Cybertronian technology was a difficult one. At the start of his employment of sorts, he had to act as a liaison between Cybertron and Earth as they fought over agreements and boundaries.

No, they could not share biological information. Yes, they could share fuel efficiency techniques. No, they could not have space bridge technology. Yes, they could work on upgrading their spaceflight program.

It was a terrible back and forth that Ratchet had found himself in the middle of, but by the grace of the Allspark, agreements had finally been made, and he could stop with the nonsense of intergalactic politics.

He had just sat down to work on engine schematics when there was a knock at the door. Ratchet’s left optic twitched in irritation before he turned.

“Come in.” His voice was biting, tired. The usual.

The tiny door opened and an even tinier being walked in. It wasn’t Fowler. No, Fowler had much more important things to tend to nowadays. This was Daniel Tarfeld. He didn’t bother to remember his rank. Ratchet had given up on getting close to humans.

“Good morning, Ratchet.” Daniel said.

“Daniel.”

The man- really a boy- had a shock of red hair and freckles that smattered around his face and arms. He was built smaller than other males of his species, but his ferocious spirit more than made up for it. If Ratchet had been softer, he would’ve imagined that Daniel would be delightful company.

But, Ratchet was decidedly not soft. He was tired, in constant pain, and terribly sad. Though, he’d never admit that last part to the boy who had been assigned as his apprentice.

Daniel wasn’t army. He was in this new service branch. Space Force. Ratchet had heard whispers about its controversial christening on base, but he cared none for Earth politics.

“Shall we get to work?” Daniel’s voice was raspy, sounding almost as tired as Ratchet felt. Almost.

Ratchet nodded. He reached a servo down and Daniel stepped up. He brought the apprentice to the large desk, letting him step off before turning back to the schematic.

The human quietly opened the satchel around his torso, bringing out his own laptop. Ratchet got the notification that he had connected via bluetooth and soon they shared control of the screens. This was their routine. They would work in silence, with the occasional conversation; always about work. Never about each other.

“You look like shit.” Daniel commented after a few minutes.

Ratchet side eyed him, the corner of his mouth flicking up in disgust, before turning his optics back to the screen.

“You don’t look much better, yourself.”

That earned him a huff, though Ratchet wasn’t sure if it was a laugh, or out of annoyance. He didn’t really care. His digits continued to tack away at the large keyboard as his processor ran complicated equations.

A few more moments passed in silence. Ratchet’s audials picked up on the soft sound of Daniel rustling, but he paid it no mind.

“Were you always such an ass?” Daniel asked.

Ratchet’s digits paused, hovering above the keyboard. He slowly turned his helm towards the boy, optics squinted. Daniel had shut his laptop now, staring at Ratchet with big blue eyes. They were hard. The mech realized he was expecting an answer.

Ratchet did not give him one.

Daniel squinted, his own mouth turned into a bit of a sneer. The silence between them was frigid.

“Get back to work.” Ratchet finally said.

“No.” Daniel said, voice firm.

Ratchet shuttered his optics rapidly, taken slightly aback, “What has gotten into you?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Daniel shot back, “Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve been working together for a year and a half, and the only words I’ve ever heard from you are-”

His voice mocked Ratchet’s own, “Daniel. And, Goodbye.”

“I’m not sure what you’re expecting from me,” Ratchet said. “We are working. I work better in silence. Not listening to prattling about what silly things you have gotten up to this weekend.”

“I’m expecting more than just a cold shoulder.” Daniel said, “I know you’ve spent time with humans before. You must know we are social creatures who thrive on interaction.”

His final sentence had dripped with mockery. Ratchet’s plates flared a bit as he gave an incensed exvent. Oh, how he wished humans could taste EM fields, if only so Daniel could feel the “leave me the frag alone” that was radiating from the bot.

“If you must know, Tarfeld,” Ratchet spat the name, “I do not prefer human company, and I do prefer to keep my relationships professional.”

“So,” The bot waved his huge servo towards the laptop, “Get back to work.”

Daniel shook his head and crossed his legs, his arms tight against his chest. He looked at the mech defiantly, tiny hands gripping his tiny arms so hard his knuckles turned white.

“I am not working until we talk.” The human would just not back down. If it had been three vorns ago, Ratchet would’ve found it charming.

Ratchet offlined his optics for a good fifteen klicks before finally looking at the defiant apprentice.

“If I talk, will you let me work?”

“Yes.” If Ratchet didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought he saw a flash of victory in his eyes.

“Fine. Five minutes.” He glanced at his HUD. It was 7:28. “You have until 7:33.”

“What was the war like?”

“Terrible. Next question.”

“How terrible?”

“Very.” Ratchet responded, “Imagine the worst war on your planet. Now imagine it lasting for four millenia. Next question.”

7:29.

Daniel paused, looking away as his eyes searched the air for a question.

“Were you always such an asshole?” The boy finally echoed his earlier question.

Ratchet paused.

“No.” He finally said quietly. “Not always.”

“Why are you like this, then?”

Ratchet couldn’t help the momentary sneer. He did not appreciate this line of questioning.

“War changes people.” He finally answered.

7:30.

“What was he like?” Daniel asked.

Ratchet squinted, his spark starting to sink, “Who?”

“You know,” Hope tinged Daniel’s voice, “Optimus Prime.”

His spark plummeted into his abdomen. He regretted even asking.

“Do I have to answer that?”

“Yes.”

Another beat of silence. The time changed to 7:31 on Ratchet’s HUD. He had half a mind to wait the full two minutes. Anything to keep from speaking about his be- him.

Still, Daniel looked at him with those puppy eyes that humans had mastered the use of when they wanted something. Ratchet felt his resolve melt, if only slightly.

“He was…special.” The Autobot finally answered. “There was no one like him, and no one will ever be like him again.”

He hoped that Daniel did not pick up on the momentary glitch in his vocals.

“Oh, so you do have the capacity for feeling!” Daniel laughed, but the words felt like a sword through Ratchet’s spark.

Before he could come up with a blistering retort, Daniel continued.

“You know, when they finally announced the existence of…” He gestured to Ratchet, “Y’all…I was a huge fan of Optimus. I was one of those teens who always liked aliens and conspiracy theories, so to find out the pictures I saw online were real?”

The human did what Ratchet believed to be a ‘chef’s kiss’, “Incredible moment. I lauded that shit over my high school buddies for years.”

Ratchet struggled to will away the tension that had wound itself in his hydraulics systems. He bit the side of his glossa, desperately trying to use the pain to bring him back to the moment. He wanted to lash out, to use his unkind words to bring Daniel back in order. He wanted to defend his existence, and his Prime’s.

But, a thought crossed Ratchet’s neural net: how could he have known? It’s not like you’ve talked to him much. He just wants connection.

They weren’t Optimus’ words, but they carried the same gentle understanding tone of his dear conjunx. It was enough for Ratchet to release a long, slow vent as his systems relaxed. He felt his plating shift as he hunched over now. No longer alert, just…tired.

“...Ratchet?” Daniel’s voice sounded much smaller as the mech brought himself back to the land of the living, “You…okay?���

It took a moment, but Ratchet managed to look over at the small being and nod. There was a scratch in his vox as he brought his vocals back online.

“Fine.” He let go of the desk, pushing himself away. “I’m fine. I’m…going to get something to drink.”

Without another word, Ratchet left the bewildered human at the desk. He moved down one of the hallways of the small facility granted to him, heading towards storage.

The storage space was mostly used to keep energon cubes, both the large bulk inventory and the smaller consumable ones. Right now, the stores were looking a bit bare. It was almost time for another shipment to come. Quickly, he pulled up the calendar on his HUD, checking for when he would be due for a visit from his compatriots.

Usually, it was either Arcee or Bee who brought him a few orbital cycles worth of energon. While Earth still had some fairly abundant mines, he did not want the humans to get their hands on the substance. Plus, it’s not like he could go out and mine it himself. So, their locations were kept a secret and an agreement was reached that Cybertron would send him what he needed.

The calendar told him that he would be receiving a visit tomorrow. It brought an odd sense of comfort to him. Though he tried to distance himself as much as he could from Cybertron, seeing his former teammates somehow managed to lift his mood, even if it was only for a couple groons.

If Ratchet was being honest with himself, he missed them. He missed Arcee’s biting quips, Bumblebee’s cheerful attitude. To the Pits, he even missed Bulkhead’s blumbering aft.

The mech struggled to put the thoughts of his former team to the back of his neural net. He reached for the closest consumable cube and expertly opened the lid. In one fell swoop, he downed the entire thing.

The energon was lukewarm, and a bit thicker than he preferred. Yet, it still felt good as the fuel integrated into his systems and processors. While his body felt a bit recharged, his mind still remained clouded.

It annoyed Ratchet. He did not want to grieve today. In fact, he never wanted to grieve- ever. If he cried, if he howled, if he sang funeral songs, it made the loss too real. He could already feel the way his spark chamber ached. His vox tightened involuntarily, optics growing blurry.

No. He tried- Primus how he tried- to keep everything buried. Emotions did not serve him, and to deny them allowed him to focus. But focus did not come back to him.

All he could focus on was the absence. The spark wrenching, soul purging absence. Optimus had told him that he would always be with him, but where is he now?!

Ratchet had to force his vocal processors offline to keep the shriek from sounding. At some point, he had found himself sitting on the floor, arms wrapped tight around his legs, squeezing the living metal so hard it hurt. He buried his helm between his knees, begging for this to pass. He had work to do, and grieving someone was decidedly not work.

Even then, it did not leave him. The only thing that passed was the ticking seconds from the clock on the wall. He stared absently at the cubes of energon, their faint blue glow reflecting off his amoured plating.

“Ratchet?”

Daniel’s voice startled the mech out of his stupor. He shuttered his optics rapidly, turning to face the door. The small, delicate human stood in the frame, dwarfed by its size. Ratchet could say nothing as the creature approached him, placing one of its tiny hands on his massive leg.

“Are you alright? You’ve been in here for almost an hour and a half.”

Confusion colored his face as he brought his vocal processors back online. There was a small scratch- akin to a cough- as he reintegrated their processing codes.

“Has it really been that long?”

Daniel nodded. Ratchet looked away.

“Yes.” He finally said, “I’m fine.”

The mech moved to stand. Daniel quickly backed away, and Ratchet was careful not to squish him with his pedes. He stretched his struts once more, a terrible metallic groan filling the air. Ratchet couldn’t help the look of pain on his face. He really needed to oil his joints more often.

“Look- Ratchet-?” Daniel said quickly, craning his entire body up to look the Autobot in the optics, “I’m sorry. I…I shouldn’t have pried. I-”

Ratchet waved a servo and bent over, offering it to the creature, “It’s fine, Daniel. C’mon, let’s get back to work.”

Carefully, gingerly, the human stepped into his palm. He gripped Ratchet’s thumb the way he always did when he was getting a lift. Carefully, Ratchet maneuvered them back to the desk and gently set the organic down.

There was a soft song playing. It was much different from the music that Bulkhead and Miko used to listen to. No raving guitars or screaming vocals, just a soft melody and quiet words.

Normally, Ratchet would’ve told Daniel to turn it off. He preferred silence. But there was something to this music that calmed the ever present hum in his protoform.

“Tem tanto que trago comigo

Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo

E agora nada faz sentido

Perdi o meu melhor amigo

E se não for demais

Peço por sinias

Resta uma são palavra

Saudade, Saudade.

Nothing more that I can say,

Says it in a better way.”

The music continued in English, and Ratchet listened. The lyrics were haunting, the accompaniment even more so. It was evident that this was a mourning song, and it made Ratchet’s vox tighten once more.

“I’ve tried, alright

But it’s killing me inside.

Thought you’d be by my side

Always.”

Ratchet took a shuddering invent.

“What language was that?” He asked gently after the song ended.

Daniel paused and looked up at him, surprised.

“Portuguese.”

Ratchet hummed an affirmative, “Do you know Portuguese?”

Daniel shook his head, “Well…kind of. My friend Gabriel is teaching me.”

“Oh?” He asked, “Do you know what the lyrics said?”

At this point, Daniel looked like a deer in headlights. This was possibly the most they’ve spoken- ever. Ratchet couldn’t blame him. Their earlier interaction had left him on edge, but in a way that made the walls he built around himself tumble down. Maybe he was craving connection as much as Daniel was.

“Uh, yeah, let me just…pull them up.”

There was a quick tack-tack-tack as Daniel typed on his computer. Within a few moments, he had dragged a window onto the shared screens. It depicted a website, with the lyrics to the entire song. The original lyrics were on one side, with the translated ones on the other.

Ratchet quickly looked at the screen, reading the whole song. Most of it was in English, except that one verse.

“Tem tanto que trago comigo - There’s so much to what I’ve got with me

Foi sempre o meu porto de abrigo - You were always my haven

E agora nada faz sentido - And now nothing makes sense

Perdi o meu melhor amigo - I lost my best friend

E se não for demais - And if it’s not too much

Peço por sinias - I ask for signs

Resta uma são palavra - There is only one word left.

Saudade, Saudade.

Nothing more that I can say,

Says it in a better way.”

There was a heavy silence between them as Ratchet read the lyrics over and over. His optics blurred, and he didn’t even notice the small leak of coolant until he felt it dripping off his faceplate.

Ratchet brought a servo up to wipe it off, shame and embarrassment flooding his neural net. He shouldn’t be crying- especially in front of Daniel.

“Sorry,” Ratchet said softly, static lacing his words. He tried saying something else, but nothing could come out.

“It…It’s okay.” Daniel’s voice was small, choked.

Ratchet took a moment before speaking again.

“What does saudade mean?”

Daniel paused, wiping his face. Ratchet couldn’t tell if the organics eyes had betrayed it as well.

“It’s an untranslatable word.” He said after a moment, “It’s the feeling of an intense yearning and melancholic nostalgia for something or someone you love.”

“I see.”

Ratchet couldn’t find any other words to respond with. He had known for a while that Earth had hundreds of languages, and even more styles of script. However, he had never bothered to look into them.

He was, in all honesty, stunned. The complexity of the words strung together, the way saudade is a word so powerful that there is no equivalent of it in any language…it was unexpected. What was even more unexpected is the fact that a human song touched his spark.

Is this what people meant when they prattled about “the human condition”? If humans had the capacity to touch his spark so deeply, perhaps the organics were not so different from Cybertronians.

That was yet another way Optimus continued to be right. At this point, Ratchet couldn’t even argue with the logic he once refused to understand.

“Can you play it again?”

Ratchet was taken aback by his own request. It was as if his vox had betrayed his processors and spoke before he could think. But even then, Daniel didn’t say anything. There was simply the sound of a soft electric piano, and the mournful lyrics hanging in the air between them.

Ratchet shuttered his optics, clinging onto every word, every note.

Strangely enough, this time around he did not feel the need to shed tears. But, he did feel a warmth surround his spark, holding him close as he lost himself in the music. It was as if Optimus was standing next to him again, a ghost inhabiting his field and placing a reassuring servo on his shoulder as he had done so many times before.

Ratchet found himself clumsily mouthing the Portuguese lyrics he had studied so intently mere moments before. They rang true to him.

Optimus was his refuge. Optimus was his best friend. With Optimus gone, nothing made sense.

Nothing, but this song.

The final lyric sounded, and Ratchet recalled the final time he saw his Conjunx. “I will always be with you, even if you cannot see me.” Something inside him clicked in understanding.

Optimus was by his side, always. Even if he couldn’t see him, even if he couldn’t feel him, even if he couldn’t hear him. He was there.

The impact he had on Ratchet was profound. He would never forget how gentle his lover was, and how in turn, Ratchet himself gained that quality. By locking it away, he was locking away Optimus himself.

Finally, Ratchet opened his eyes. He looked at his apprentice, who was staring at him as if he had suddenly grown flesh over his frame. Ratchet didn’t expect him to understand right now, but maybe one day he would.

“Thank you, Daniel.” Ratchet said.

[cozcat]

One thing I am desperately hoping to see in season 3 of Wheel of Time is the girls going back to the White Tower, and a big part of this is to ensure Egwene's link to it is cemented before she becomes Amyrlin. I also desperately want her to have done her Accepted test, and I would like to see it. So, a while back, @fuel-prices and I had a big conversation about this, and this is where I've landed on the three arches. Full spoilers ahead.

Egwene is called to her test. Siuan may be there, or we may introduce Anaiya onscreen, or we may see Lelaine - as Sheriam isn't in season 3. But that's not the important part. She goes into the arches, ter'angreal or no ter'angreal: I could see Egwene being a Dreamer being an altering factor itself.

Be steadfast.

The first test: she wakes up somewhere familiar, and not. The Mountains of Mist are home, but the city around her is not. An attack is coming, and coming again, and they have been abandoned - by other cities, by the White Tower; all they have to protect their land, their children, is their own bodies. And Egwene - Eldrene - knows what she must do. All the power she can summon, and then some, and she must, and she will - but she cannot, because the way back will come but once.

(In this, we lean into the 1x03 focus on Egwene at Eldrene's death, and fully commit to her being a reincarnation of Eldrene. We can foreshadow her becoming Amyrlin elsewhere - let's foreshadow her death some more!)

The second test: horrors, and to the horrors that await her in the present. She is in the Two Rivers - maybe Wisdom, after Nynaeve's death; maybe not. "The Trollocs are coming again, and the Whitecloaks have left us." Maybe she sees her parents, other characters we know; maybe she sees Rand, Perrin, Mat, Nynaeve. Perhaps Perrin, as it leans into foreshadowing. But the way back will come but once, and she cannot save the ones she loves from the Whitecloaks.

(There is precedent for this. Egwene does dream of a bunch of foreshadowing of the Battle of the Two Rivers - this is just another way to do it. And we did consider the Seanchan here, but it feels, well, too obvious - why not go for a less expected test, rather than the obvious, just to heighten how much Egwene being a Dreamer is affecting it?)

The third test: horrors, and horrors again, and in for the final set of them. But horrors do not await. Instead, a group of tanned women, their eyes looking older than their faces, in algode shirts and skirts, in a red sea of sand. "Egwene, you will come to us, and you will know when that must be, just as you know now from where you will leave." And all Egwene can do now is wait, because this is all the third arch will be. The way back comes, and Egwene is waiting for it, staring at the spot she knows now that it will appear; she walks out of the third arch with her head held high and her back straight.

And so, Egwene knows she needs to go. She eventually learns to Travel using Tel'aran'rhiod - why not use it now, so she uses it to travel to the Wise Ones, and use it again later, when she decides to leave them to travel to Salidar? And, her traumas are her own, so no sense to mention it. (Plus, the secrecy from Nynaeve and Elayne will help divide them further emotionally.) Siuan will find a way to get Nynaeve and Elayne out of the Tower and hunting Black Ajah for sport - she'll send Egwene after them when she comes, but Egwene is gone, and cannot be sent.

I found that on rereading it, Egwene's test all revolves around Rand, and Egwene being unable to protect him - which is odd if not entirely pointless to do onscreen, because, at the end of season 2, she protected him. Also, a lot of her test is stuff we've seen elsewhere in the show. We've seen Nynaeve lose her child. We've seen Rand have the provincial life with Egwene and their daughter, Joiya. We've foreshadowed Egwene becoming Amyrlin and can do that in so many other ways. We've seen the Accepted test go wrong. We don't need those as repeat beats, so why not something else entirely?

And so, this is something else entirely.